Hating Others Is Hating Yourself

I remember being younger and being confused when people would tell me that hating others is hating yourself. I distinctly remember a friend telling me “well if you don’t like what she’s been doing it’s because it reminds you of yourself.”

I remember being extremely against this philosophy, because many of the people I disliked at the time were very, very, VERY different than me. 

For example, I’ve always been someone who values being polite and following social customs (like saying “please” and “thank you”), and therefore rudeness used to really grind my gears.  So, I would think, how is it possible that my hating this rude behavior has anything to do with myself?

Today, however, I’ve come more into alignment with the idea that “hating others is hating yourself.” I’ve taken a much broader perspective of this idea than I once had. 

I don’t think we hate others because we ourselves necessarily mirror the same behavior we dislike.  I think instead, hating others is hating yourself because the others are you and you are the others.

Let me explain…

From my viewpoint, and the viewpoint of many in the field of consciousness these days, we are all interconnected to one grand source of consciousness.  It is my belief that each of our lives are simply different perspectives of this grand consciousness, but we are all, ultimately, one in the same.

For example, let’s say that the grand, infinite consciousness is in the shape of a human body.  Perhaps I am a hand, and you are the heart. Perhaps my neighbor is a foot, and a stranger down the street is an ear.  We are all different pieces of the whole, we are all interconnected and we all work in harmony together. However, we each have different jobs, different behaviors, different physical appearances and different ways of being.

When I decide I hate my neighbor, it’s similar to the idea that my hand doesn’t like my foot.  They are different parts, yes, but they are of the same being, so when one hates the other, it in turn hates itself.

For me to get angry at my neighbor is for me to deny his specific role in the wholeness that makes up the grand consciousness we are both a part of. 

Perhaps his behavior is different than mine and perhaps he makes radically opposite choices to mine. However, this is only because he is a different perspective of consciousness, and it his job to look at things differently than me.

So often we get mad at other people for not being like us. For not carrying our values, our beliefs, and our behaviors.  However, if we start to understand that other people serve a valuable role to the wholeness of our grand being, it becomes easier to accept different their perspectives, even when we don’t understand them.

Related Article: How to Stop Bad Vibes: 5 Ways to Neutralize Negativity

It is some people’s job in the grand consciousness to explore consciousness. It is some people’s job in the grand consciousness to be ignorant of the grand consciousness. It is the job of some people to uplift and be caring and kind, and it is other people’s jobs to explore the darkness.

We are of an infinite consciousness, after all, so there have to be an infinite number (and type) of perspectives if we are to maintain our infinite quality.

In other words, it’s ok for you to be a heart, and it’s ok for me to be a hand.  We both need each other, and we are both of the same.  After all, what would happen if the hand convinced the heart to be just like itself? Obviously, this would create a great deal of disharmony, and ultimately, it would not benefit the hand in the slightest!

If we want to truly love ourselves, we have to come to love our grand self, and our grand self is made up of many different perspectives and pieces.

So the next time you find yourself getting mad at your neighbor, your boss or your friend, consider that he or she is indeed a part of you, but with a different set of responsibilities and a different set of roles. It is his or her job to be unique, often in ways quite opposite of yours or mine.

To experience harmony in our own lives, we have to allow each piece of ourself to be what it is here to be. To truly love the whole of what we are, it’s important to love ourselves and every person we encounter, regardless of their choices and their beliefs.

Be the best heart you can be, and trust the feet of the world know how to be feet. In the end, we are all in this together, and we rely on one another to bring balance and harmony into existence.

XO, Andrea

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  • Dina
    Posted May 25, 2016 6:15 pm 0Likes

    Enjoyed reading this so much. I’ve always had trouble with that saying as well and this has given me a great way of looking at, responding, and dealing with difficult people (at least as best as I can). Thanks for an insightful article.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted May 26, 2016 9:47 am 0Likes

    Thanks for your positive feedback Dina-I’m glad you enjoyed the article 🙂 XO

  • Anonymous
    Posted May 30, 2016 10:13 pm 0Likes

    I think both Hate & Love are words often taken out of context. To hate your neighbor! Do you want to kill him? Then yes you hate him. Or is it you dislike his actions. Big difference. You love a milkshake! You love your child too? Would you die for a milkshake? I have a lot of dislikes & likes in my life but Love & hate stand alone at the 2 extremes. Yes I believe we are all one consciousness but it will never be in this realm. The realm of the living is of induviduality, of personal growth. We are here to aid each other. So my hate of a murderer, rapist, pedophile makes me one? I think not. It is my choice to think of negative things or not. That is the only negative I experience I recieve from my hate. How much I take on board is up to me. Just my thoughts on the matter. Namaste

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted May 31, 2016 1:02 pm 0Likes

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic Anonymous:) Indeed, love and hate are very strong words!
    XO, Andrea

  • Anonymous
    Posted June 22, 2017 2:42 am 0Likes

    Hi Andrea, I choose to ignore the people who invoke the other kind of emotions in me!!! It’s best to stay neutral to them than having connected any emotions and probing over it. But its a trick the mind does..so its better concentrate to heart for a while and relax a bit.

    Any other suggestions are most welcomed.


  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted June 22, 2017 10:32 am 0Likes

    Hi Anonymous, ignoring can be a great tactic if it’s too hard to focus on the person in question and feel good about them. It can also help to ask yourself why they are capable of evoking emotion in you. This can help you identify any limitations you may be carrying. For example, if I got mad about someone criticizing me it may point to an insecurity I was carrying or maybe concern I was carrying about what other people think<3

  • James Dabbagian
    Posted June 25, 2017 4:46 pm 0Likes

    Well I see an issue with this.

    So the gist of your post is that because we’re all part of this grand consciousness, if we hate someone, we hate ourselves as well.

    Well, what if that person is working AGAINST the grand consciousness? What if they’re the equivalent of Cancer to the conscious? Then they really aren’t a part of the grand consciousness and are actually poised to try to harm it. Then I think it’s safe to say you can hate them without hating yourself.

    And they are out there. They’re the ones that cause misery and suffering on others, or abuse people, or otherwise endeavor to shit on this place.

    Just a thought.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted June 26, 2017 6:21 pm 0Likes

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts James <3

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