Why a High Vibration Can Lead to Lost Relationships

I have been asked now many times about a common phenomenon in the Law of Attraction community regarding lost relationships.  It seems that many people who are learning how to raise their vibrations find that they lose friends, or incur strained relationships with people they used to be close with.  In this article, I will seek to answer these questions on why having a high vibration can lead to lost relationships.

Now, let me first say that this phenomenon is a bit of a conundrum. 

When you raise your vibration, you should expect that only good things happen to you, right?  After all, a high vibration is supposed to attract things that feel good to you.  Therefore, on the surface, it simply doesn’t make sense that you would have to deal with relationship breakups, because they don’t feel good!

But to really understand this phenomenon, we must dive a little deeper. 

When we raise our vibrations, we align ourselves with a happier, more aligned state of being.  In this state, we are more likely to want to promote tolerance, love and happiness.  This, by the way, is why many people often see us as being flighty or even ridiculous; we are aware of the benefits of connection and unity, while much of the world we’ve grown up in is still very focused on separation and discord.

Part of the process of true ascension is raising your vibration to the point that you align with a reality where more and more people believe in connection and unity, and choose to focus on the positive. 

As your vibration raises, you can tell that you are truly on the right path by looking to see who’s around you.  If you are seeing more people who are being kind, loving and in a state of connection, you can be certain that you have significantly raised your vibration, and have attracted a more unified reality.

The problem that arises in our relationships is not that we are incapable of attracting these kind and loving people, but rather that it is often difficult for us to change our expectations about certain people we’ve grown close to.  Often, when we raise our vibrations, we become aware of the negativity that exists within the people around us.  Many times we start to see that perhaps they aren’t as positive and connected as we once believed they were.

I noticed this in my reality when I first became interested in the Law of Attraction.  I had a dear friend who I had always seen as a very positive and uplifting person.  Through my newer, more uplifted perspective, however, it became more obvious to me that while he was still a very kind and loving person, his perspective was indeed much more negative than I had ever been able to see before. 

If you find yourself in a position like this, and suddenly a loved one appears to be more negative, it is simply because your perception has changed due to your energetic shift.  At one point, your loved one’s behavior may have seemed perfectly acceptable, but now it may not resonate as well with you.

If this is the case, you may have a hard time believing that this loved one can “rise up” with you.  Your perception of them from this new vantage point may make it difficult to expect them to come along with you on your journey.  While they were a vibrational match to you at one point, perhaps now they are not.

So, as your vibration raises one of two things can happen.  On the one hand, if you believe a loved one is incapable of joining you in your ascension, he or she will remain in the same place.  Meanwhile, your ascension will cause you to detach from his or her presence, and the relationship will become lost. 

The other option is that you expect your loved one to transcend his or her current state in order to join you in your ascension.  If this is the case, you will believe that this person will rise up with you.  Then, your relationship will stay alive as you ascend together.

This second option is a little more challenging, because it requires you to believe something you may not be capable of believing from where you stand right now.  This is especially the case if you’ve been overly focused on your loved one’s negativity OR if you believe that they would be very uncomfortable in the reality you are headed towards.

Remember, the cardinal rule with the Law of Attraction is that you get what you believe.  If you believe your friends and relatives are capable of making the climb with you, they will.  If you can’t, then they must fade out of the picture in order for you to ascend.  This is why many of us struggle to hold on to certain relationships during ascension.

So, if this is happening to you, take heart.  It happens to a lot of us! 

At the end of the day, what is truly important is that you raise your vibration, regardless of the outcome.  Trust as you ascend good things are ahead of you, and if you have left anyone behind it is simply because the two of you presently have incompatible vibrations.  Please note: this doesn’t mean that you are better than your loved one, it simply means that the version of them you have come to know and expect no longer resonates with you. 

The good news is that there are a few things you can do to keep a relationship alive, and if the relationship is important to you, it’s probably a good idea to give them a try.

First (and foremost), avoid thinking about your loved one as being a negative person.  Focus only on the times your loved one is happy, laughing and uplifted.  This will align you more closely with a version of him or her that is happy, laughing and uplifted and the more of that version you see, the better.

We live in an infinite universe, so be aware that there are an infinite “versions” of your loved one.  Some positive, some negative.  To align with a more positive version of your loved one, you must expect him or her to evolve into this version.

You can also make it your intention to keep your loved one around, and use a journal and daily affirmations to focus on his or her positive traits.  Give it a solid try to adjust your expectations because if your perception of your loved one improves enough, you can continue on your journey together. 

But, if the process proves to be too frustrating, just relax and let go.  It will be ok, I promise.

Please know that what is most important is that you ascend to a higher state of being.  If reconciling the negativity in your friends and loved ones causes you frustration or irritation, down you will go.  Then, you will find yourself surrounded by these same people, not because they have risen up, but because your vibrational energy has spiraled back down.

So, be easy and gentle about this.   It’s ok if some people fade out of the picture, as long as you are still creeping upward.  Again, when you ascend, you will find yourself surrounded more and more by people who are on your wavelength, so you needn’t fear loneliness or isolation.  If you continue to climb you will attract the loving relationships you desire.

It is also entirely possible that you may align with the positive version of your friend or loved one down the road.  Perhaps it is too challenging to expect him or her to join you right now, but at a later point in your ascension you will have an easier time of it.  The higher we rise, the easier it becomes to expect others to do the same.  So, it isn’t necessarily “good bye,” but maybe instead just a “see you later.”

I hope this article has clarified some of the questions I have received on this issue of lost relationships.  If you have any more questions about this issue, please comment below! 

All the best,


Law of Attraction Educator

Do you like learning about the Law of Attraction?

If you’re enjoying this daily blog, you might also appreciate a membership with Raise Your Vibration Today.  Members learn how to reach their goals with positive thinking and the Law of Attraction and receive personalized support along with full access to my video tutorials, guided meditations, ebooks, and audiobooks.  Try out a membership for 30 days for just $1.99. You can also subscribe to my newsletter for more free information like this!


  • Missy
    Posted November 2, 2015 4:02 pm 0Likes

    I can totally relate to this! I’ve been trying to figure out why the relationships in my life has changed, but I know now that as as my energy shifted, I naturally started gravitating away from the negativity. I was amazed how much I surrounded myself with it. This makes so much sense to me. Thank you!!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted November 2, 2015 4:09 pm 0Likes

    Thanks Missy! I am glad you liked this article, and glad you’ve been experiencing a positive energy shift! Keep up the good work 🙂 -Andrea

  • Michael Christensen
    Posted November 2, 2015 9:57 pm 0Likes

    Andrea, this is a great article!

    One of the things we have to learn when we “walk the path of enlightenment” is that people will shift out of our lives. It is a natural occurence. Negative people cannot be around positive people (because we will not become a part of their drama) and vice versa.

    I have noticed in particular where I work (offline) there has been a shift in the people around me, some of the more negative ones, have either completely stopped talking to me or simply quit. And I have gotten closer friendships with others I rarely spoke with before.

    At the end, I would like to mention that these are some of the “costs” I am willing to pay, afterall I am doing this for me 🙂

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted November 2, 2015 10:16 pm 0Likes

    Hi Michael! Thanks for your comment. I think you have a very healthy perspective on this. Also, I’m so glad to hear you are attracting new relationships in your workplace! Keep up the great work! -Andrea

  • Bobby
    Posted November 2, 2015 10:45 pm 0Likes

    This article is INSANE in how accurate it is.

    “We live in an infinite universe, so be aware that there are an infinite “versions” of your loved one. Some positive, some negative. ”

    I knew this but as I am reading it written in that way it is so crazy to think. It also goes back to another article about how right and wrong are an illusion. Good people/bad people is also! So crazy!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted November 2, 2015 11:04 pm 0Likes

    Hi Bobby! Thanks so much for your feedback. Ironically, I was thinking about the good/bad illusion while I was writing this. I considered going off on a tangent to spell out the connection but decided not to in order to keep the article a reasonable length. How amazing that you picked up on that!

  • Nicky
    Posted November 8, 2015 10:25 am 0Likes

    What a beautiful article and I can relate to that in the beautiful friendships I experienced in the last few years. This year those friends silently left my life. I understand the process but sometimes it still makes me a little sad. Your words that it could be a “see you later” instead of “good bye” sounds wonderful. But maybe when it is really later it isn’t necessary anymore because of all the new friends in my life.

    thank you for sharing your insights,

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted November 8, 2015 11:31 am 0Likes

    Thanks for your comment Nicky-much appreciated! Sending good vibes your way <3 -Andrea

  • Sandra Girard
    Posted November 8, 2015 12:55 pm 0Likes

    How can we help our adult children overcome a negative attitude, particularly if they suffered greatly at the hands of the other parent as a child?

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted November 8, 2015 1:43 pm 0Likes

    Hi Sandra! Well, I think perspective is important. What has helped me, and may help you too, is that I have become aware of all of the good that came as a result of the suffering. Yes, the pain of the past can still sting, but when we become aware of how we have evolved from the situation it can help dramatically. Start to see all of the good things that have come of that bad situation in the adult child. Look for traits, achievements, etc. that may have been a direct result of the pain. This will help the adult child (and you!) release any residual anger or guilt that may be leading to problems in the present moment. Much love <3 -Andrea

  • Ann
    Posted November 8, 2015 7:53 pm 0Likes

    Great article Andrea.
    However I am having problems with: Again, when you ascend, you will find yourself surrounded more and more by people who are on your wavelength, so you needn’t fear loneliness or isolation.
    Well it felt good to finally see the reality of and get rid of/let go of some negative and bully people. Glad to see them gone. However, I have not attracted any new friendships into my space.
    Some bully people I left behind actually seriously attacked me on the internet. I feel sorry for their state of mind, but glad to see them go.

  • Ann
    Posted November 8, 2015 7:56 pm 0Likes

    @Michael Christensen
    Loved your letter. Had to re-read it. Such a warm and truthful statement. It reminded me of this: some people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or perhaps a lifetime.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted November 8, 2015 8:10 pm 0Likes

    Hi Ann! Sounds like you may be dealing with the aftershocks of shedding toxic relationships. Perhaps there’s a little guardedness there right now (?). Sometimes it’s hard to attract new friends when we’ve come not to trust others…at least, that’s how I had experienced it in my life!

    Here is an article I wrote about attracting friends with the Law of Attraction. Perhaps you will find it useful 🙂

    Much love,

    Andrea <3

  • Sandra Girard
    Posted November 9, 2015 2:04 am 0Likes

    Thankyou for your positive and helpful comments Andrea. Most enlightening and appreciated.

  • Merja
    Posted August 6, 2016 2:50 am 0Likes

    Thank You, Andrea, for pointing out that it is our expectation of others that matter most. I have now read this same thing from many other writers, too, so this is a thing I am supposed to learn I think. (I am always amazed how the same things pop-up from different sources at the same time.) I will try to shift my perspective about ppl. I have already noticed beforehand that when I expect ppl to be more positive they usually are (or at least that they are not negative at that point if not positive). But it takes focus to keep this on. The old patterns usually surface if I am not careful. So more work on this subject I think. But thank you so much for this article, and of course of all the others, too. I love to read your down-to-earth view on Law of Attraction. You always make so much sense and open my eyes to see things differently!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 6, 2016 11:17 am 0Likes

    Thank you Merja! You make a very good point-shifting our perspectives about people isn’t necessarily easy! After all, we have been “practicing” a given perspective for a long time, and it has gained a lot of momentum. I have seen in my own life that sometimes it’s easier to back away from a given relationship for awhile, to get some space. After a break, it can be easier to shift the perspective, because the “negative feedback” isn’t in your face as much.

    All the best to you, and thanks as always for being so supportive:)

  • Gagan Deep
    Posted September 25, 2016 6:22 pm 0Likes

    Thank you so much

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted September 26, 2016 11:27 am 0Likes

    You’re welcome Gagan:) XO, Andrea

  • Tina
    Posted October 7, 2016 9:50 am 0Likes

    Thank you so much, you have no idea how helpful that was. I’m struggling with my parents on my dream, they keep telling me it’s dangerous and that I might get kidnapped or raped and keep instilling fear in me, and I noticed how negative they and the rest of my family members are and was not sure if my dream will make me detach from them forever and I don’t want to loose them but this article reassured me that I can help them through it and reminded me of what DR. Joseph Murphy said in a lot of his books that you imagine the person as they ought to be not what they are now and it gave me hope and my high vibration back 🙂 so thank you again

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 7, 2016 12:13 pm 0Likes

    Thanks for the positive feedback Tina! Best wishes for improved interactions with your family. Have a great weekend <3

  • Nightysax
    Posted April 16, 2017 2:01 pm 0Likes

    It’s about recharging… energy is like the battery, needs to be recharged from time to time, thus I don’t discourage people to start get rid of anyone just because they got low vibration/energy, if you say you are strong enough with high energy and vibration, then you must be a leader and a lover for those who needs to get some of your energy to recharge theirs, so what I’m saying that you must find a way to recharge or else, you have to be away of others till you find a solution for the situation you are in, it’s really challenging to keep recharging peoples around you, such as friends or even when dealing with the public mostly, unless you are recharging at least once every 24 hours, you would become drained with low energy, that time it’s dangerous because you start to observe others’ energy out of your full control. I tell what some people really eager to get some of your energy, because they like you and want to feel good in recharging their energy through you, those people needs your care and attention, but on the other hand, there are those people who wants to destroy your energy to let you down, to drag you down to their level of energy, that time you must defend yourself, even if that lead out to cut off with them totally and forcibly.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted April 17, 2017 8:21 am 0Likes

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic Nightysax <3 And yes, recharging is essential when we find ourselves drained!

  • how to attract husband
    Posted September 17, 2017 7:23 am 0Likes

    Of course, what a splendid website and educative posts, I will bookmark your website.All the Best!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted September 17, 2017 9:44 am 0Likes

    thank you<3

  • May Landington
    Posted October 25, 2017 12:26 am 0Likes

    Hi Andrea thank you for writing this article
    I have a friend that I love and respect very much she’s had a very difficult life with abusive relationships sorrow & loss it seems she has one stressful negative situation after another..Inspite of that she has such a beautiful heart! why is this life so difficult for her? Is she bringing this all on? How can i help her wake up without having to lose her as my vibration grows? we’re both trying to learn and grow studying medaphysics…She helped me become the best version of myself ever ..I cant imagine leaving her or turning my back on her ..Never! ..what can i do to help her raise her vibration to match mine .. isn’t love the answer? if you love someone but their growth doesn’t match yours just leave?? Please help

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 25, 2017 10:20 am 0Likes

    Hi May! This video isn’t “exactly” on the topic of your question, but I think it has a lot of the same information I would use to answer your question. If you are interested check it out. XO

  • Kendra
    Posted November 7, 2017 5:24 pm 0Likes

    I have always believed myself to be a pretty positive person before I had heard of law of attraction and accession. I feel like my vibrations are pretty high, I eat mostly vegetarian, organic, haven’t had a microwave for years, Always have been into yoga, crystals, chakras and all that good stuff, went to school for hokistic health coaching even, all of this for the years now. My now former fiancée is going full throttle ahead into this accession stuff , it just started right after our daughter was born about 6 months ago and now believes my vibrations are too low and also has decided he does not believe in marriage after proposing to me in front of my son while I was pregnant to with his child. How would marriage bring someone’s vibrations down? How would leaving his family, leaving people who love him unconditionally help him to accend and on his spiritual path? I’m really confused how celebrating our love and getting married would bring him down on his path. I have questions about some stuff he has gotten into recently but no matter what I do my best to support him. Pretty confused here

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted November 8, 2017 10:20 am 0Likes

    Hi Kendra- I think this video here may be useful in your situation. If you are interested, check it out! https://raiseyourvibrationtoday.com/2017/05/12/toxic-people-the-law-of-attraction-and-quantum-physics/

  • Rachel
    Posted June 4, 2018 4:34 pm 0Likes

    HI, i enjoyed this article, was very good and very true, of which alot of people don’t realize why this happens and that it ‘will’ happen. While letting people go because of my higher vibration state hasn’t been tough for me at all. It’s been more of a sadness of needing to let them go because they are unable to change as i am changing, what i find now that is VERY apparent and has ALWAYS been very apparent since i first started learning about and practicing LOA is that it is so hard to find people of ‘quality’ of ‘substance’ that i can connect with, you know that are on that higher plane of thinking. So i can tend to feel lonely because of the lack of people that i can’t connect with because they just dont ‘get it’, get life, understand this awesome place of being and existing. My husband and I share this together so that is so awesome but we at times long for other people to talk about LOA with and connect with on that level because we enjoy it so much and LOVE talking about it and getting other peoples perspective on it and experiences on it. I did watch your vid on attracting people, i also ask to meet people who practice LOA wherever i go, if i’m on vacation (before i go) i visualize meeting someone on the plane who i find out practices LOA and we have great conversations the entire flight …etc But i find that most people are like in 3D and not 4D, it can get lonely at times and is kinda sad to me. However i don’t let it lower my vibration it just always makes me be on the look out for people on my vibration level, so in that respect it can be very exciting to know at some point i will meet someone i can really connect with who enjoys this just as much as i do. Now i can say that i am very aware of looking out for anyone who is on a higher vibration level i can tell by how i feel around them, it’s a great feeling but thus far haven’t found very many people that match my vibration. I’ll check out the vid you linked above in the above review to see if that was helpful or insightful for me at all. Thanks again for all you do, i enjoy all of the positive.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted June 5, 2018 2:59 pm 0Likes

    Thank you for your positive feedback and for sharing your perspective Rachel <3

  • A friend
    Posted June 21, 2018 6:54 pm 0Likes

    Accepting negativity graciously increases vibrational strength in both parties

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted June 22, 2018 9:44 am 0Likes

    Good point A friend <3

  • Stephanie
    Posted August 13, 2018 6:56 pm 0Likes

    Thank you so much for this thoughtful article and other content on your site, Andrea. My husband and I have always been at least slightly (though more often substantially) misaligned energetically and 11 years of this struggle has worn on me and turned into anger and resentment. I certainly haven’t been perfect over the years, but the fundamental differences between us become more glaring as time goes on and I feel so bogged down. I’m not ready to part ways with him, but this article gives me some tools and language on how to approach him to try to connect and see if he can work on raising his (and our) frequency together.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 14, 2018 10:12 am 0Likes

    Thank you for your kind words Stephanie, and I am glad this article resonated with you in a positive way <3

  • Jenny
    Posted October 17, 2018 3:17 am 0Likes

    Awesome Article😀I can totally relate to that. Before I started my personal development journey I was always surrounded by negative and needy people. I was a people pleaser. I was also scared of being lonely and not having any friends. I realised that I will never be lonely. I will always attract the people who are on the same frequency. I have a friend and I now realised how negative she really is.. Very negative outlook on the future etc. The last time I saw her I really felt that I am not that person anymore.. That was a couple of month ago and I have decided not to keep in touch with her. Maybe she experienced the same thing with my positivity because she doesn’t really message me anymore. It is always working out for you…

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 17, 2018 9:45 am 0Likes

    Thanks for sharing your experience Jenny <3

  • andrea
    Posted December 20, 2018 7:00 am 0Likes

    hi, thanku for the article i’am trying to find some information about relation when the two are on different vibration…low vibration dosen’t always mean that the other person is negatiev but maybe doesn’t have it naturally or lost it during life…
    so my question is like is it even possible to have a relation with someone with totally another vibration i love my boyfriend but we are on a different vibration and it drane energy out of me
    he is trying to work and higher he’s vibration but it’s such a long and slow process..it would be interesting to hear some experiences from people who react physically to partners with a lower vibration and how they cope with it, thanku very much

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted December 20, 2018 11:10 am 0Likes

    Thank you for your kind feedback Andrea! as for your question…you might like this resource: https://raiseyourvibrationtoday.com/2017/05/12/toxic-people-the-law-of-attraction-and-quantum-physics/

  • Astrum Ignis
    Posted April 20, 2019 12:35 pm 0Likes

    This is truly my situation, and as I increase my vibration through Gnostic Teachings, which explains the core of “The Law of Attraction in detail, people close to me become more detached from me. The more I elevate my vibrational energy on the spiritual pyramid, the more people that were with me early on drop off the scene. It seems lonely at first, but after a little rest and thought, I accept the reality of it, and know that it is best for me. Thanks for the article, it’s my current situation, but eventually, I’ll be free from people who I don’t align with on my way up to reaching Transcendence.

  • Gina
    Posted May 24, 2019 2:41 pm 0Likes

    This information is somewhat correct. Part of the problem are expectations and judging things as “positive” or “negative” and only focusing on the “positive” because the minute that happens, the opposite gets pushed into shadow.

  • Kena
    Posted September 24, 2019 1:04 am 0Likes

    Exactly what I needed to read tonight and confirm what I am already feeling and knowing. Thank you so much!

  • Jazmin
    Posted January 20, 2020 3:49 pm 0Likes

    I’m having a different issue I’m having a hard time making friends because of my high energy and openness and girls have gotten thrown off. I been told that I need to tone it down I don’t even know what this means. I just am the way I am for years I did tone it down but I hated it because I wasn’t happy. I’m happy being a ball of energy and open to people because I’m an open book. So is there any advice you could give or any one who reads this can give as well. Thank you.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted January 21, 2020 2:41 pm 0Likes
  • Heartbreaks
    Posted August 16, 2021 2:56 pm 0Likes

    What if I’ve now learned it was my lowered vibration that caused the break up? I’m now actively conscious of what needs to change and working hard to shift my mindset and daily life. But is there a chance of reconciliation?

  • Pamela
    Posted January 11, 2022 6:25 pm 0Likes

    I’ve had this article saved for a long time. I reread it again when I feel a tug in another direction. I’ve read numerous ones. However this one is beautiful and on point. Resonates so true. And it keeps me elevated when I might need that reminder. I think most of us need reminders at some point..
    I should’ve could’ve said this a long time ago…thank you.

  • Fernanda
    Posted November 15, 2022 9:54 am 0Likes

    Great article , the last paragraph gave me hope, that maybe it’s not a goodbye , maybe the other person needs space and time to reflect on themselves, so they can realize they need to improve their vibration wavelength

  • cassandra martin-smith
    Posted December 8, 2022 6:17 pm 0Likes

    Thankyou so much for this article xxx it really helped a lot. My twin flame dumped me because I wasn’t awakened and able to handle the constant triggering in the last relationship and I self-sabotaged the relationship due to childhood trauma and expectations. I succumb to my lower vibrational state just for 1 second and it cost me love. The last sentence was confirmation “I hope it is see you later” and not “goodbye”. Sadly it’s been a long arduous isolating 4 months of dark knight of the soul journey but I am fully awakened now and doing the inner work to find the answers I need. I have found peace and I am enjoying new loving kind nurturing authentic connections with people from all over the world the whole experience has been one of the hardest things to stop “clinging to” doing my best to let it go so I can move on and create the new.

  • Nat
    Posted November 9, 2023 9:11 pm 0Likes

    Great article! Can this maybe be a reason why so many men “ghost” me after talking with them for a bit? Feels like I have some kind of repellent energy on me. It happens a lot. I usually think there is something wrong with me. But I started to think it’s maybe because they are not a vibrational match, and it’s hard to find vibrational matches when you have raised your vibration a lot? Thanks for writing this article, it provides a different perspective!

  • Cherol
    Posted January 12, 2024 10:14 pm 0Likes

    How can I get my 14 year old autistic child’s vibration to rise. He is on a spiral downwards and i don’t want to leave him behind

  • Lynne
    Posted February 4, 2024 4:31 pm 0Likes

    High vibration can make you loose it. The chase for this is a lonely road and makes you question everthing about your life. My daughter committed suicide because she was so alone and couldn’t find her way anymore. A teacher highly educated with acclaimed achivements. Too much of tjis high vibration is dangerous. Love yourself for who you are and kust do your best.

Leave a comment