Honesty is The Secret to Your Sanity
“Honesty is The Secret to Your Sanity” was written by guest contributor, Jason Demakis.
Being Honest With Others
Do you have a hard time being honest with other people?
Is it a challenge for you to tell someone what you really think or how you really feel?
Do you do them the social courtesy of “sparing” their feelings?
Do you realize that the rest of the world has no problem feeding you disempowering logic on a daily basis via news, politics, and marketing?
If other people have no problem perpetuating lies that actually harm and diminish people’s quality of life – why should you have an issue with living honestly, and creating conditions which will create the exact opposite effect?
Are you afraid that people will judge you if you speak honestly?
Are you afraid of being the only one who feels this way?
Does your solitude scare you enough to default back into conformity?
Fear is a very low-quality – yet powerful – motivator for most people.
My rule of thumb is if you find yourself allowing fear to infect your thinking, it’s time to stop and reevaluate the situation.
Fear is your ego’s way of keeping you alive by avoiding danger. We no longer live in the jungles and forests where predatory threats come from treetops and blind spots, so almost any “warning” via your ego in our modern society is a false alarm.
This neurotic quest for survival then carries over into the mental domain, where it can severely handicap and limit our ability to take action – if we allow it to.
Related Article: “Exploring Your Resistance“
True Personal Freedom
Once you begin to consciously embrace making all areas of your life honest and congruent with your true authentic values (rather than your culturally conditioned ones), life opens up in exciting new ways.
You can’t really appreciate how much you’re actually “filtering” reality until you become conscious of the filter itself, and remove it.
This is like unclogging a drain; the bandwidth for information increases tenfold, and you experience a surge of positive, creative, empowering energy within your own reality.
So many people get caught up in trying to perform and behave a certain way for the approval of others, that they never actually live.
Their every choice and action is dependent on the approval of someone “superior”.
Talk about disempowering.
People literally take cues and advice from people and groups who have no interest in the individual, only what they can do for their profit margin.
Almost all marketing tethers itself to and relies upon unconscious behavior.
Marketing itself couldn’t exist if people weren’t so unconscious.
I don’t need you to tell me why I need to go against my better judgement just because this is a “free market”, and you can tote and puppet any and all plastic garbage you can come up with.
If your success depends on people being ignorant, then your entire enterprise doesn’t align with my values, and I don’t want you in my reality.
This very bluntness has worked wonders for me, and I’m certain it can work wonders for you.
To be honest is to consciously align yourself, your values, and your actions to become as congruent with truth – as it appears relative to the individual – as possible.
What this means is that if you genuinely dislike working for your boss because his personality type is one that oversteps your value boundaries (say he’s disrespectful toward old people or women, just for the sake of this example), yet you keep showing up and kissing his boots – you’re not living an honest life.
Deep down you already know what feels right and wrong to you; these are your genuine, authentic values which can never actually be corrupted or replaced –only obscured.
This is your natural true self trying to scream through the layers and layers of social and cultural conditioning you’ve unconsciously been taught to adopt as representing “objective reality”.
However, we already know that from an individual standpoint, reality is always subjective, and these social controls are proven erroneous more often than not.
The challenge then comes when faced with authentic warning signs that are occurring on the inside, while dealing with stresses of “having to perform” within a severely limiting set of socially conditioned responses on the outside.
This struggle carries over and infects every other area in which you’re trying to make progress.
Personal growth is not a process that’s compartmentalized into “neat little sections” like the grocery store.
You don’t spend one day working on your attitude, and another day working on your actions. They are a seamless, congruent whole.
This is why so many people are unhappy in general; they view life as being broken up into sections, rather than seeing it for the holistic experience it truly is. They can’t figure out how they can be rewarded on the social side, yet completely fail when it comes time to make changes that actually inspire them.
The more you stubbornly refuse to acknowledge this, the more frustrating life will be.
This is because you’re not a computer or a filing cabinet; you’re a conscious individual who happens to have been born into a period of history where conditioning has you accepting back-ass-wards, disempowering lifestyles while simultaneously selling you the notion that you’re “free”.
The first step to breaking disempowering patterns – and the key to winning a game that most people aren’t even aware that they’re playing – is to consciously embrace honesty.
Being Honest With Yourself: Clarity is The Key
There are plenty of reasons why honesty is key, but perhaps the most important of all is this:
Until you gain clarity on what it is you actually want to do with your life, you’ll just continue to float around in the sea of consumer triviality with all the other unconscious humans.
This is an extremely limiting and unfulfilling way to live, and many people adopt this life by default due to lack of conscious awareness of alternative choices.
If you continue to avoid having to be honest with yourself and build up the courage to state what you actually want, establish a strategy, and take action towards it – you’re going to end up spending most, if not all of your time working under someone who did have the courage to do so.
This all begins with becoming conscious of and accepting the true values which you authentically possess, despite your cultural conditioning.
You might have been raised in a religious family, yet despite your high exposure to the lifestyle, internally you still have strong opposing feelings. The same applies to career and social roles.
Conditioning is a “false mask” that many adopt for life.
Even worse, most people aren’t even aware that they’re wearing a mask, and they accept this conditioning as their true identity.
If you haven’t figured it out already, our goal is to remove this mask.
Inner Conflict: Don’t Point Fingers
All inner conflict (and I do mean ALL) is a direct result of the individual either:
1. Being unclear about their true values (and unconsciously adopting someone else’s)
2. Being clear about their values, but not having the courage to consciously live/exercise them.
I would wager that the majority of people get stuck in group one.
This is where ignorance is bliss, because these people will just assume that “this is just how the world works”, and willingly accept and operate within an extremely self-limiting reality.
Group two is where people with a bit of a spiritual immune system tend to end up. Group two is probably where you are.
This is a tricky spot to be in, because you don’t get the benefits of ignorance, and you’re not yet enjoying the benefits of living your own values consciously and courageously.
Both paths are broken traps. The key is to get you out of group two and into your own group.
Now, you might argue this point by saying you have a lot of indecisive feelings deep inside, and it’s very hard for you to know which way is “right”.
This is a valid, but also very weak excuse.
The reason you feel this way is because you haven’t learned to trust yourself enough to act in the direction of your desires, gauge your results, and then correct your strategy.
This is exactly how you build confidence: through direct knowing of your limitations, rather than standing in place assuming things.
Cultivating the courage to take action even when you’re uncertain if said action is optimal is precisely how you build your confidence, courage and self-knowledge.
When you avoid doing this, your courage shrinks and you give more power to your weaknesses.
This is like a child saying they don’t want to take the time to learn to tie their own shoes, so they’ll just pout indefinitely until someone either helps them or changes the subject.
This is how most grown adults live – except instead of shoes – it’s behavior patterns.
Abdication of responsibility doesn’t solve, it perpetuates. Perpetuation is infinitely easier to endure than change, and this is why it’s all too easy to blame someone else for our frustrations.
The issue here is that if you unconsciously accept the disempowering act of placing blame for your current situation on someone else’s shoulders, you’re not only preventing growth, you’re actually creating negative growth.
You’re going backwards and creating growth debt.
This is because your avoidance of the root problem is creating an entire cascade of other problems that wouldn’t even exist if you had just focused on and solved said root problem.
This is incredibly disempowering because the only person who has the ability to change your world is YOU, but you’re saying you’re a victim of someone else’s decision making.
Every time you do this, you abuse your own power.
You’re using your own power against yourself.
You create and allow the conditions for a storm, then complain when it starts pouring on you.
Again, there’s no excuse for this type of behavior. You are like the child who instead ties his shoes together, making it even more of a challenge to start taking steps forward.
Learn to use your aggravation and frustration as the alarms that they are, and let them alert you that you need to increase your conscious awareness in regards to the situation.
Realize that these very intense feelings are your biological center’s way of telling you “Hey! You can regain control of perception and fix this mess! Turn off the alarm and let’s get moving! REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!”
Related Article: “The Problem Is Your Thinking“
Life’s too short to sit through advertisements for personal disempowerment. Skip the fluff and focus on the good stuff
Forcing yourself to withhold your true thoughts and feelings is like setting a pressure cooker on high and duct taping the lid on.
Instead of releasing the pressure, you add to it. Learn to become gradually more honest with yourself and others, and watch how your reality changes.
Yes, you will cause certain people to no longer want to associate with you.
However, if those people are only in your life because you’re withholding vital portions of yourself from the equation – what is that saying?
Eventually, you’ll realize that the people in your life are a direct reflection of who you’re saying you are right now. Stop defending false constructs, let them fall away, and replace them with conscious honesty and integrity.
To do so is to make room for people, places, and things which resonate with who you actually are – NOT who you’ve “been told you NEED to be”.
The universe will begin paying you compound interest for your efforts in this particular arena.
Live and choose consciously and honestly, my wonderful friends!
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About the Author: Jason Demakis is a personal trainer, writer, speaker and time & productivity management coach. He approaches personal growth head on, without pulling any punches! To learn more about Jason visit his website, follow him on Facebook or contact him at JasonDemakis@Gmail.com.