Are You a People Pleaser? (One Easy Trick to Know for Sure!)

Are you a people pleaser?

Maybe not, but I’ve found that many Law of Attraction enthusiasts  often are! So if you are, trust you are in good company.

Now I’m not sure why so many students of the LOA are people pleasers, but I have my theories. I personally believe that people who are empathic and intuitive are often drawn to the LOA, and I think this has something to do with it.

Empathy and intuition often go hand-in-hand with people pleasing. After all, if you are highly sensitive, you can just “tell” when someone is upset or going through a challenging time. Naturally, you may want to help them feel better.

People pleasing causes more harm than good!

Unfortunately, people pleasing really doesn’t help anyone at all in the long run. Of course, we may be able to avoid a fight or prevent someone we care about from being upset in the moment. However, this comes at a cost to our own feelings, emotions and self-esteem.

After all, if you live your life constantly adjusting how you act in order to serve others, this can cause you to feel extremely marginalized and overlooked. Your feelings and emotions are very important, after all!  When you push them down to for the sake of someone else, you set your self up for frustration, sadness or even anger down the road.

Beyond that, people pleasing prevents the other people in your life from handling their own emotions and problems. It keeps them from learning to deal with the reality that other people have feelings and needs too. In a nutshell, people pleasing prevents other people from their own growth, expansion and empowerment. 

Related Article: Are You Energy Sensitive? 6 Telling Signs

So, what do you think: Are you a people pleaser? If so, how do you stop people pleasing? What are empathic or intuitive people to do when they are used to putting their own needs second (or third, or fourth, or seventy-fifth)?

I’ve got one easy trick to help you out. Here it is:

Are You a People Pleaser? Easy Trick: 

This is a super, super easy trick you can use at any time to evaluate if your choices and behaviors are authentic to you, and to answer the question: Are you a people pleaser?

How it works:

Often times, people pleasers are so used to putting their own wants and needs on the back burner that they totally forget how to act authentically around certain people! People pleasers condition themselves to always evaluate the other person first. For that reason, sometimes it’s hard to know for sure when you are people pleasing! 

So this trick is helpful, because it helps you know for sure when you are people pleasing.

When you aren’t sure if you are people pleasing or not, just ask yourself: “Would I do this if this person wasn’t here right now?” OR “Would I choose to do this if this person was someone else I really, truly trusted?” 

Measure your behaviors against what you would choose to do if you weren’t in the company of someone you might disappoint.

Quick example:

For example, let’s say your mother has come to stay with you for the week at your house, and you worry that you often people please around her.

So while she’s at your house, evaluate your behaviors.  “Would I be running around cleaning up like this if she wasn’t here?” “Would I have agreed with her opinion if she was someone I really trusted?”

If you find that you are engaged in a behavior you wouldn’t do if your mother wasn’t around, you can bet your bottom dollar you are people pleasing.  You are tiptoeing around her in order to avoid getting a negative reaction. 

Ok, so I know I am people pleasing, but how do I stop?

You’ll find that when you use the trick above it’s pretty easy to tell if you are people pleasing. With that being said, how do you stop people pleasing?

After all, sometimes it’s hard to stop people pleasing. If you’re used to turning cartwheels to please someone, it’s probably an automatic behavior by now.

So here’s a quick suggestion, and it’s fairly simple:

Instead of trying to stop your people pleasing, try to start your “me pleasing” instead.

For example, when you are around someone you usually people please, periodically ask yourself “what might I do right now that I enjoy when I’m by myself or with someone I really trust?” Then, pick a few behaviors or activities, and throw them into the mix! 

The more you choose me-pleasing behaviors, the more they will take root in your life.

“Me Pleasing”

For instance, if you would like to listen to a particular radio station, put it on.  If you would like to order ham on your pizza, order ham on your pizza. If you would like to talk about your favorite movie, strike up a conversation about it.

Take a moment to identify what “me” would like to do, and as much as you can, insert these me pleasing behaviors into your interactions with others.  Let yourself off the hook for the people pleasing, but do your best to add in some me pleasing as often as you can.

There’s no sense in beating yourself up when you notice that you’ve been tap dancing around your friends, family or coworkers. However, in any moment you can always ask yourself “what’s something I would enjoy?” and you can add a little more personal enjoyment into the interaction.

Of course, it’s always easier to start with smaller behaviors that are fairly comfortable, and work your way up. It might be a challenge to call your mom out for her shit or insist on doing something you know she’s going to hate.  Start small by pushing your comfort level a little further than usual.

In time it will get easier and easier to act authentically and on your own behalf.

Just remember…

Your feelings are important. In fact, they are the most important feelings in your world. Ignore your own wants and needs and you’re setting yourself up for feeling like you always come second in your own life.

It’s completely justifiable to put yourself first in your own life. In fact, it’s the best thing you can do for you, and for the world!

Take care of your own needs and wants, and you’ll be better equipped to be the best person you can be. This benefits us all tremendously. If you really want to uplift the people you care about, you’ll be the greatest influence when you act from a place of strength and authenticity.

XO, Andrea

(Law of Attraction coach & educator)

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