Are You SHOULDING All Over Yourself?
One of the primary reasons I think people suffer has to do with what some call “shoulding.” Are you shoulding all over yourself?
What is “Shoulding?”
Shoulding all over yourself comes in the form of self-judgment and criticism, i.e.:
“I should be nicer.”
“I should smile more.”
“I should work harder.”
It also comes in a more negative form, i.e.:
“I shouldn’t be so critical.”
“I shouldn’t eat so much.”
“I shouldn’t be so lazy.”
Shoudling, and its negative counterpart, “shouldnting,” will cause you a great deal of personal stress and strain in life.
Ultimately, shoulding all over yourself reinforces the idea that there are “right” and “wrong” ways to do things. Therefore, you can only be a good person worthy of your own love and acceptance if you behave perfectly around every turn.
As we all know, however, there are exceptions to every rule. We all make mistakes.
Even more importantly, though, right and wrong are total illusions! They don’t exist, at least not as universal truths.
It’s literally impossible to quantify what is “right” and what is “wrong” because all thing are fundamentally neutral.
Don’t believe me? Try to get the world to come to a consensus on issues like abortion, gun control, and marijuana use.
You won’t. Why? Not because some people are right and some people are wrong. Rather, there is no right and wrong! Issues are always right AND wrong, not right OR wrong.
Depending on where we stand, and how we perceive the world, right and wrong are entirely relative.This is why some people see moral justice on an issue while others see moral injustice with the same exact issue. And this will ALWAYS be the case.
At least, if you look around, it always has been!
How this relates to shoulding…
Here’s the thing about shoulding: it will keep you chasing a perfect “right” way of existence that simply doesn’t exist.
You’ll spend all of your time trying to be the right person and do the right things. Instead of enjoying the ride of your life and allowing yourself to make your own choices, you’ll stay bound to rules that inhibit your ability to be yourself.
You’ll constantly be beating up on yourself, and others, and this will create a world of unnecessary stress and anxiety in your life.
So please, if you’ve been shoulding all over yourself, please cut yourself some slack! There is no “right way to be.”
You make a mistake? So what! In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter.
You behave less than “perfectly?” So what! There is no perfect after all.
Related Full-Length Member Video Tutorial: Perfectionism & The Law of Attraction
Enjoy your freedom to live life the way you’re living it, and let go of the idea of being what you think you are supposed to be. I promise you, life gets a lot easier (and a lot more fun) when you stop shoulding all over yourself.
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Although, you have at times some interesting and pleasant guest contributors. There is simply something about your articles that are so comprehensive, eye opening and a joy to read. And that sums up this articles, in particular. Many of us, perhaps most of us in society have been conditioned to “should” , regularly if not constantly
And if you are self critical, in particular,(like I can be)
you probably “should” yourself even more so than acknowledging any of your achievements or any of the things that you have overcome in life.
The behavior you suggest adopting in this article will take conscientious effort, and yet is worth it, for sure!
Thank you for sharing your talent and insight.
Thanks for the positive feedback J.D., it is very sincerely appreciated. Have a great day/evening 🙂