Feeling Provoked? This Is Your Best Defense

Often, people will treat you with love and kindness.  But what do you do when they don’t? How do you respond when someone says something hurtful, does something mean or tries to provoke you? What’s your best defense?

I used to believe in retaliation, so I used to stand my ground, and fight back passionately in self-defense. However, over the years I’ve realized that retaliation is totally ineffective. It has about a 0% chance of reducing provocation.

So, today, here’s what I try to do instead.

I take a deep breath, and I do my best to let it go. I know that if I can find a way to let go, things will work out for the best every time.

I let whomever wants to hurt me or offend me throw their dagger, I pull it out, and I do my best to get on with my life. I remind myself that the best thing I can do is rise above the provocation without retaliation.

Does this sound this make me sound weak? Maybe so, but I’m not and I know this strategy works, so I’m ok with that perception. Here’s why your best defense is no defense at all:

Why People Hurt Us

We may think that the world is out to get us sometimes, but it’s not. Our world, after all, is simply a mirror of our own beliefs and expectations, thanks to the Law of Attraction.

People only hurt us because of our own expectations.  We expect certain people to treat us poorly, and as a result, they do. 

When we label people in our lives as toxic or negative, they usually deliver.  Fortunately, though, the same is true for the people we label as loving and kind!

So I can get as mad as I want to when someone mistreats me, but I know that ultimately, I attract everything into my reality.

Shouldn’t I Defend Myself?

Now, this doesn’t mean that we should just allow ourselves to be punching bags, or we should encourage people to treat us like crap.  It may sound like that’s what I’m saying, but what I’m saying actually means quite the opposite.

When we engage in retaliation, we actually encourage people to treat us poorly. While many people think you have to “defend” yourself, in defending yourself you really only expose yourself to more mistreatment in the future. 

When we fight back and throw our own daggers, we almost certainly insure there will be return fire. So if you want to continue receiving blow after blow, retaliation is your best plan of action.

Retaliation, in the end, isn’t your best defense. It isn’t any kind of defense at all. It doesn’t protect you, it endangers you.

After all, if someone was willing to hurt you in the first place, they’re probably waiting on pins and needles for a new reason to hurt you again. Why offer it up to them on a silver platter?

How Do You Prefer to Be Treated?

As for me? I like being treated with kindness and respect. I prefer for people to smile at me, give me hugs and positive feedback.  That feels better to me. That’s what I want as often as I can get it. 

I like nice drivers, polite cashiers and friendly servers. I like friends who care about me. I like family members who make me feel safe.

Related Article: How to Attract Positive Relationships (& Drop the Negative Ones Too!)

So when someone throws a rock, I let it hit me, I lick my wounds, and then I do my best let it go. I don’t push back.  I know that in retaliating, I only create more drama and negativity in my life. I’ve seen firsthand that when I retaliate, I only get hurt more in the end.

No Defense Is the Best Defense

Many people disagree with this philosophy and they believe that the best defense is to overpower your aggressor. To put it bluntly, this is just the ego talking. 

Your greatest strength doesn’t come from hurting other people more than they hurt you.  Your greatest strength comes from your ability to face and let go of your pain, without letting it control your life.

I know for certain that no defense is the best defense. There’s a reason why 99% of the comments on my blog and my Facebook page are positive and friendly.

Even people who disagree with something I’ve said often write their responses politely. Usually, a reader who disagrees writes in with the intention of sharing his or her perspective, rather than cramming it down my throat. 

Why? Trolls always get a kind response and a well-wish.  I refuse to pick up the rope someone else is throwing down. Anyone who comes to my page or site gets treated with respect, so it’s received by me in turn.

Let it Go

So if you’re feeling provoked, remember take a deep breath. Just because you’ve been hurt once doesn’t mean you have to be hurt again.

Remember, your best defense is no defense.  Rise above it. Refuse to engage. 

The wrong people will either change their tune or they’ll float right out of your life. Those who are looking for a fight just aren’t interested in peace. I promise you, if you represent peace, love and acceptance, the provokers of the world won’t want anything to do with you.

Be a magnet for positive, loving people. Put down the rope, breathe, and let go. The only defense you will ever need is to stand squarely in the light.

XO, Andrea

(Law of Attraction coach & educator)

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  • Bobby
    Posted August 10, 2016 3:19 pm 0Likes

    Love this article! I wish I had this knowledge a year ago when I had frequent problems at work but lesson learned. I look back and now know what I will and wont tolerate so I am grateful for that experience.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 10, 2016 4:26 pm 0Likes

    I’m with ya Bobby, had I known about this back in the day I could have saved myself a lot of grief!! LOL!

  • valvacious
    Posted August 25, 2016 3:51 pm 0Likes

    you stated:Our world, after all, is simply a mirror of our own beliefs and expectations, thanks to the Law of Attraction. You do realize that you can get caught up in other people’s mess when you had nothing to do with it. Such as Columbine shooting, 9/11 attacks, etc…You can be the most positive and uplifting person yet attract a bad person around you

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 26, 2016 9:17 am 0Likes

    Hi Valvacious- You touch on one of the biggest criticisms of the loa- I think I understand where you are coming from. I would say that collectively we have a propensity to focus on violence in our society today, so it isn’t altogether surprising that we experience these events as a collective. With the LOA we get what we expect, not necessarily what we want. If we expect the world to be a dangerous place, it will be. At least, this is my interpretation, and I believe you are entitled to yours as well. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me! XO

  • ariane
    Posted October 22, 2016 1:05 pm 0Likes

    i love all of your tips and wise words Andrea. like Byron Katie says ‘defence is the first act of war’. all we need to do is practice and see the results for ourselves. i’ve also noticed the Universe has a sense of humour! it always presents me with circumstances that allow me to practice what i’ve just learned about! 🙂

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 23, 2016 8:06 am 0Likes

    Thank you for your positive feedback Ariane, it is much appreciated! 🙂

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