Growing Apart From a Friend: How to Cope

Over the last few years of working in the field of the Law of Attraction, I’ve noticed something interesting. Many (and I mean MANY) people on the “spiritual path” experience the pain of growing apart from a friend.

In fact, I myself have dealt with this issue! So I get it. It can be painful, messy and confusing, can’t it?

The cause of this phenomenon is likely related to the process of spiritual growth. When you are working on spiritual growth, you are naturally changing yourself, and sometimes quite dramatically.

Once you have fundamentally changed yourself, you just won’t be a match to everything that you once were a match to. Where once you may have “fit in” with a friend on a certain frequency, after changing you may lose your common ground. 

I personally believe that these kinds of situations can be powerfully transformational. This is especially the case if we are committed to our spiritual growth.

So, thanks to my life lessons in this area, I’d like to share a little bit that I’ve learned on how to cope.

1. First things first- take some space!

You know the old saying “out of sight, out of mind?” It’s a great motto to keep repeating to yourself when you know for certain that things are no longer the same.

After all, with the Law of Attraction, we get what we focus on. It may be tempting to try to hang around and fight through the miscommunication and the lack of resonance. With that being said, staying actively engaged in a relationship that is clearly not vibing will only make things harder on you. 

Focusing on the miscommunication and lack of resonance will likely only cause these unwanted aspects of the relationship to expand and become more uncomfortable. This is how true “frenemies” are born.

Now, this isn’t to say that you must ALWAYS avoid your friend, but simply that a little distance can help you gain some much-needed perspective. By stepping away from the painful aspects of the breakup, you give yourself the space you need to heal.

It’s just about impossible to bond with a person who you have developed a significant level of irritation, disappointment or anger towards. Step back and let things cool off.

2. Once you’ve cooled off- look for the lessons.

Whether we like to hear it or not, the people we are closest to serve as strong mirrors to us. Our relationships reflect our own values, beliefs and expectations about the world.

As long as we are “ok” with these values, we feel good about being around people who reflect these characteristics back to us. When we no longer feel good about these values, however, discord occurs.

For example:

Let’s say that in your “former life” you were a serious gossip. Being around other gossipy folks probably felt pretty good, didn’t it? You liked to gossip, they liked to gossip. It was a match made in heaven!

However, if you later came to the place of wanting to be more tolerant and accepting of others, you may have started to find that being around gossipy people made you uncomfortable.

In this event, a relationship that reflects to you the gossip you are wanting to eliminate makes you feel bad. When we feel bad, we are no longer vibing with the relationship and we begin the process of separation.

So, it’s sad when a relationship fades, but it is never really the other person’s fault. It is simply a reflection back to us of the changes we are dealing with internally.

When you find yourself growing apart, it can be helpful to look at the relationship objectively. Ask yourself “what about this person is reflecting back to ME something I don’t like about MYSELF?”

Ultimately, a changing relationship is an excellent opportunity to become very aware about the direction you want to take in life. It can expose to you old habits you may still be clinging to, even though you are ready to move on from them.

Looking at a fallen friendship through the lens of studying the self is a powerful exercise. Even better, it helps to diffuse much of tension or anger you feel about the situation.

It’s hard to be mad at someone on the outside, when you understand clearly that everything occurring stems ultimately from the inside.

3. When you are ready, send your love and let it be what it will be.

Sometimes, friends come back, and sometimes they do not. It really depends on how well you believe a friend can fit in with your new “path.”

If you believe that your friend firmly represents your past and not your present, you will remain unmatched. However, if you believe your friend has the capacity to meet you where you are now, you will have an opportunity to come back together.

The trick here, though, is to make peace with either alternative. Trying to “force” someone to be something you do not believe he or she is will only push him or her further away from you.

If you wish to leave the door open for a future friendship with this person, here is my final suggestion: send your friend loving thoughts and make peace with what is.

Try to think back on the things you have appreciated about your friend. Offer a friendly prayer or intention. Keep doing this until it comes naturally and you feel good about it.

Then, let go and see what happens.

No matter what happens, the result will be positive.

Now, your friend may come back, or your friend may float away. That is the truth of the matter. It really depends on whether or not you believe your friend can join you on your path. Again, it has nothing to do with the friend in question, and everything to do with your own beliefs and expectations.

Fortunately, though, the good news is that you will release any latent anger, regret or disappointment you may still have. You will find peace with what has become. You will release what was and make room for something better.

From this more peaceful state you may attract a renewed and improved friendship with this person or a better matched friendship with someone different.

Related Article: How to Make Friends With the Law of Attraction

After all, it’s just about impossible to feel strong, lasting anger for someone when you focus on feeling love for them enough. If you’re emitting love, you will become a match to loving relationships. If that friendship has the potential to be loving, it will come back to you.

So, once you’ve healed from the trauma of growing apart, and you’ve had some time to reflect, offer your love. It’s ultimately the best thing you can do to cope with growing apart from a friend.

Once last thing here before I sign off. Please know and remember that if growing apart is a result of your spiritual growth, it’s all working out for the best!

If you have lost a friend due to personal improvements that are important to you, know that you are moving in a positive direction. Everything will workout for the best if you are committed to growing into a better version of yourself day by day.

XO, Andrea

Law of Attraction Educator

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