Why Emotional Support Isn’t So Supportive Sometimes
A reader recently wrote me with a concern about emotional support. He has been very supportive and available for a person he loves, and has been there through the hard times to help pick up the pieces. However, when he found himself in a stressful situation, this person was nowhere to be found. At a time he really wanted a listening ear, the person he cared for left him alone to fend for himself. Naturally, this felt quite unfair and upsetting!
I’ve also felt this way sometimes, so my guess is there are a number of people out there who may struggle to find emotional support from time to time. Sometimes, those of us who are in the business of helping others up find ourselves alone in the dark times-without a helping hand.
The thing is, most of us have been led to believe that having people to lean on is necessary. When times are bad, we’ve been taught that talking about our problems can make us feel better.
To a degree, I do think this can be a good idea. In moments of extreme sadness or anger, venting can alleviate some of the pressure and negative energy from your situation. It can also help you feel connected, rather than lonely and isolated. Additionally, talking to the right person can help you gain perspective and uplift you.
However, I feel that we largely overuse emotional support as a culture. Often, we lean on too many people for too long. We also often lean on people who are too negatively focused to actually help us find the hope and strength we need to move on to happier times.
Because of these factors, emotional support often causes us to wallow in our problems, and this only creates more problems. Through the Law of Attraction, what we focus on, we attract. Therefore, by talking about our stresses and rehashing them over and over again, we actually bring more problems into our life.
As a result, having a support network to help you through hard times can actually hold you back sometimes. The more people you have in your life who are willing to discuss concerns about health, family, career, money and relationships, the easier it is to become negatively focused. As a result, these problems can grow and get worse (for more on this, check out “Why Talking About Our Problems Is Our Greatest Addiction“).
With that being said, where do we go from here?
On the one hand, if you have a support network of “listening ears,” you may want to be mindful of how often you turn to them to vent.
Of course, with a support network, it’s good to know someone will always be there! It’s great to have people around to talk to, as long as the talking is genuinely supportive and guides you to a more hopeful place. Just take care to share your problems sparingly, and only with the people who inspire and uplift you.
If, on the other hand, you are like my reader, and you find yourself lacking support during dark times, it may help to realize that this may actually be a good thing.
If you aren’t attracting people to listen to your problems, then you simply aren’t a “vibrational match” to problem-centered conversations about yourself. This may be a sign that you avoid negative conversations and tend to keep things positive, and that’s certainly a reason to feel good about the situation!
Even though it might feel lonely at times, lacking a listening ear may actually be the quickest way for you to overcome your problems. Naturally, there’s a lot more incentive to dust yourself off and get back up when no one’s sitting on the ground with you!
So, how do you feel about emotional support? Do you have listening ears in your life, or do you often feel alone during upsetting times? How do you vent your frustrations without amplifying your problems? Share your thoughts below in the comments.
All the best,
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