Everyone Is a Mirror Image of Yourself (Blame Is Useless)

We happen to live in a very blame-oriented culture.  We live in an age of law suits, protests, debates, stereotyping and finger-pointing.  Many of us have become very comfortable with getting upset at the actions and behaviors of the people around us.  This is because most people believe that we are individuals and our actions are unrelated. However, this premise is flawed.  In truth, everyone is a mirror image of yourself.

This means that when we are mad, angry and upset, we will bring out these emotions in the people around us.  When we fault our friends or family for being petty or rude, it’s a actually a representation of our own pettiness or rudeness.  We always reap what we sow.

Evidence For This Claim

You can see evidence of this phenomenon when you are out and about.  Haven’t you ever noticed when you’re seething from road rage you get cut off in traffic more, hit more red lights and get stuck behind more slow-moving vehicles? 

You might also see this phenomenon when you are out shopping.  When you are upset, you are more likely to wait in long lines, get the rude cashier and be overcharged for your purchases. 

We often like to think that the reason that we are angry is because these things have happened to us.  In actuality, the reason these unpleasant things are happening is because we entered into these situations in a foul mood, and as more and more people mirror that mood, the angrier and more upset we become. 

It Can Be Challenging to Accept That Everyone Is a Mirror Image of Yourself

Now, really embracing the idea that everyone is a mirror image of yourself can be a pretty hard pill for some to swallow.  This is because our egos feel much more comfortable blaming outside circumstances rather than taking personal responsibility for why we are sad, angry or in pain.

However, if we can begin to direct the blame inward, we can actually do the work that will soothe the pain, anger and sadness.  And since all we really want is to feel better, this is a much better use of our time and energy.

Once we really begin to accept this idea that others are a mirror of ourselves, we can start to free ourselves from thoughts and behaviors that are causing suffering in our lives.  While it might take a while to really master this concept, with knowledge and awareness of this phenomenon we can begin to point the finger inward when things aren’t going our way.  This will help us to make changes in order to bring about more desired results from the people and situations around us.

An Easy Way to Reduce Blame

So, the next time that someone is rude to you, or does you wrong, turn it back on yourself.  What were you thinking or doing in the moments leading up to that interaction? With repeatedly practicing this observation you will start to notice that whenever people are nasty or unkind to you, you almost invariably will have entered into the situation in a negative state of mind.

You can also practice this technique when people are being especially kind and polite to you.  Note back on your thoughts and behaviors before the interaction and you will see that it is highly likely that you entered into these situations in a positive state of mind.

Now, just because we understand this phenomenon doesn’t mean that everything will change overnight.  For some of us, myself included, it can be easy to get back into blame mode from time to time.  That’s ok.  Just make a solid effort to consistently notice how your moods are affecting the world around you and the process of creating pleasant interactions with others will become easier and easier.

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Image by Alistair.  This image has been resized.

Andrea Schulman