Why We Should Stop Blaming Others (Right Now!)

Have you ever noticed how blame-happy we are as a society?  We LOVE to blame.  Regardless of the issue (or even non-issue) there seems someone is always standing nearby, with a finger out ready to point. 

We blame our governments, we blame our parents and our teachers, we even scream at the ref who makes a call we disagree with.  We demand “the customer is always right!,” we throw cherished friendships away over petty arguments and we each live under the constant threat of being sued or taken to court.

The most ridiculous thing about this? It’s all considered 100% normal and completely justifiable.

Sometimes it makes me wonder: Are we a civilized society, or just blame-thirsty savages? 

I think we’d be wise to consider that perhaps blame is a complete waste of our time. Even more, perhaps we should consider that blame itself is the cause for many of our problems in society today. Maybe our tendency to blame is exactly what creates all of the hate, terror and corruption we find ourselves blaming other people for.

I imagine that many people will disagree with the premise of this article, but I stand by my position.  Here’s why:

Blame is a product of the ego: 

Our ego is driven by fear and anger, and when we make choices through our ego we often operate from a place of negativity, rather than a place of love.

Blame hands our power over to someone else:

When we blame, instead of working to make the world a better place we sit on the sidelines and complain.  We succumb to our angers and our fears. 

We forget that we are powerful creators, and we allow the negative energy that caused the problem to grow and expand.  Instead of accessing our power to create positive change, we wallow in the negativity of the situation.

Blame alienates people and creates separation:

Blame drives a wedge between friends, it rips apart families and it causes distress in the work place.  I challenge you to find a healthy and thriving family, business or group of friends in which the members religiously choose to blame each other.

Blame never makes things better:

When we identify and punish the person we blame, does it make what happened ok?

Does punishing a deviant turn him in to a better person? I would imagine if it did, we would have eliminated crime long ago here in the United States, as we incarcerate more people than any other country in the world. 

Blame doesn’t feel good:

Have you ever met a blame-thirsty individual who was happy? Have you ever felt good about yourself after berating another person?  Have you ever felt good after someone has blamed you?

What feels better: blame, or compassion?

Blame is narcissistic: 

When I blame someone, in essence I say “I know it all and I’m right.”

However, in reality there are an infinite number of moving parts, and sometimes things aren’t always what they seem.  It is extremely narcissistic to assume that my perspective is the only true and valid perspective. 

Besides, how can I claim to have it all figured out when many of my opinions are based entirely on hearsay and what I’ve seen only on television and social media?

Now, with all this being said I’m certain some people will argue with my perspective here.  The idea of responding to terror and corruption with love and compassion is sure to make some folks bristle.

They’ll say things like “so we should just let the terrorists get away with what they’ve done?” or “so we should just let rapists run wild in the streets?”

I understand this perspective, and I can appreciate it.  I’m not a fan of terror or rape myself. 

However, my point here isn’t to say that these actions are “ok,” but rather that the solution to these issues isn’t finger-pointing. 

My point is that our current model of blame and punishment isn’t solving anything, but rather it is creating more of the same problems we wish to eliminate.

As a society, we are all intricately woven together, and when there is a dysfunction somewhere in the chain, we are each connected to it in some way.   Accepting that we are a part of this chain is integral to improving it.

Hate, terror and corruption are all indications that in some way, we as a society are creating a world where terror and fear can proliferate.  We have set the stage for hate, terror and corruption to grow, and this is why it exists. 

So, if we want less terror and fear, we must create a society that is peaceful and loving.  Further, in order to have a more peaceful and loving society, more of us must make the personal choice to operate from love and compassion instead of hate and blame.

Just think, what if all of our children grew up in a world with less blame and more love and acceptance.  It isn’t hard to imagine that these children would emerge into adulthood less likely to spread hate, terror and dysfunction.

So, maybe instead of throwing our drug addicts in jail we should extend them our compassion.  Maybe instead of blaming the people in our lives for what they’ve done to us we should remember that they are humans who aren’t perfect, and neither are we.  Maybe we should let people off the hook more often and accept the fact that sometimes shit happens.

Ultimately, hateful people pointing fingers don’t solve problems, and they certainly don’t inspire or uplift humanity.  What kind of person do you wish to be?

Thanks for reading,

Andrea

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