Why Talking About Our Problems Is Our Greatest Addiction

“Talking about our problems is our greatest addiction. Break the habit.  Talk about your joys.” -Rita Schiano

Today, we live in a culture where we are encouraged to talk about our problems.

We are expected to be shoulders to cry on.  We are expected to go to counseling to hash it out when our relationships are in turmoil.  We are expected to tell the stories of our life’s struggles in order to bond closer with friends, coworkers and acquaintances.

The problem with this expectation to talk about our problems is that it doesn’t help us at all. In reality, talking about our problems only hurts us more.

We live in a universe based on karma and the Law of Attraction, and therefore what we put out into the universe is what we receive back from it.  Sadly, talking about our problems only ever creates more problems for us.

Think about it, is there any evidence that venting about our problems has ever really solved them?  Has complaining about our cheap friends ever made them become generous? Has moaning about our mean bosses ever caused them to suddenly become kind and respectable people?

On a larger scale, have our national discussions on cancer, obesity and corruption in government ever made these issues go away? No, most certainly not.

Although giving up the addiction to talk about our problems is one of the very best things that we can do for the world, it can be quite challenging for many of us.  Even when we try to be more positive, it can be very hard to restrain ourselves from spreading the news when we get sick, lose our job or get into an argument with a friend or family member.

The reason this addiction is so great is two-fold.  On the one end, we receive validation from others in our moment of pain or frustration, and this energetic transfer can feel somewhat rewarding at a time when we desperately want to feel better.  Although we are setting ourselves up for more pain and frustration in the future, in the moment we feel important and valued when people listen to us talk about our problem.

The other reason that this addiction is so hard to break is because we do not want to be perceived as being cold or aloof.  When our friends and family want a listening ear, we don’t want to withhold sympathy from them.  So instead, we often allow ourselves to listen and contribute to long-winded, negative discussions in an effort to “be there” for the people we love.

Since our culture promotes the importance of discussing problems, to stop participating in this collective behavior will set us apart from the crowd.  Because of this, some of us may fear that others will disapprove of our refusal to engage in complaining and problem-centered conversations.  They might tell us that we are being irresponsible by ignoring the problems, or they may even question our sanity and intelligence.

Despite the challenges we will face if we choose to end our addictions, all of the problems in our lives and in the world will only get worse the longer we continue to play this game.  In order to have better lives and a better planet for everyone, we will need lots of optimistic leaders who are willing to give up this addiction and walk a higher path to show the others that it can be done, even in the face of disapproval or ridicule.

The good news is that even though it may at first be challenging to change the tone of our conversations, we don’t have to stop talking.  We can still be there for our family and friends, but we can choose to direct the conversations in a positive way.  We can still connect with others, but we can make these connections based on shared love rather than on shared pain.

Even better, as we make the choice to speak only of our joys, the Law of Attraction will create momentum for the others around us to do the same.

As a result of focusing our attention on the positive, our personal problems will begin to shrink and eventually disappear.  On a global scale, if the majority of us are focusing mostly on the positive, the world’s problems will also begin to resolve themselves.  Making the choice to speak only of the good is one tangible way that we can create a better world to leave to our children.

So, what do you think? Is it possible for people to stop talking about their problems? More importantly, do you think that you can change the world by making the choice to let go of negative conversation?

As a final note, and food for thought, it occurs to me that there is a bit of irony in this article.  Although the purpose of this blog is to spread positive energy, isn’t this article itself indeed a discussion of a problem?  Hmm…

It is a hard addiction to break indeed.

Thanks for reading,


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Photo Credit: “Outtake…No!!! (overwhelmed)” by Andrés Þór. Some Rights Reserved.  This image has been cropped and resized.


  • Jay
    Posted February 10, 2015 2:17 pm 0Likes

    People will find an easy way to unload their problems or better yet ‘dump their chakras’ at any chance. If listeners keep giving them that opportunity, then they will always come back. I think at first it can be a mutual agreement of helping a friend if open to that. But eventually one has to put the brakes on it and say ENOUGH. Otherwise the listener becomes a garbage man for someone else. That alone would stunt the spiritual progressions of both.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted February 10, 2015 3:16 pm 0Likes

    Hi Jay!

    I definitely agree that when we open ourselves up to negative conversation people will very likely “come back” for more! While it might be a bit uncomfortable at first, I also think it’s good idea for a “listener” to put the breaks on negative conversations that have become long and drawn out. Thank you for your input 🙂

  • Ilham
    Posted February 16, 2015 7:49 am 0Likes

    Sometimes it’s phase one is going through. It IS frustrating when your bestfriend or loved ones being one those “black holes” that suck in positive energy from you. But sometimes the best thing you can do is just standing by the river and let them drown, basically let them freaked out enough to push themselves back up again. But never get down into the water to pull them out because they might hold on you due to panic and this could cause you both drown into the water. Sounds a little insensitive, but I believe that’s the best you can do. We need to realize that maybe that’s what’s supposed to happen to them to go up to the next level.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted February 16, 2015 8:07 am 0Likes

    I agree with you Ilham! And you’re right, many people feel this is insensitive, but if we really care about our friends and loved ones we’d make doing the right thing a priority over fitting in with expectations. Thanks for your perspective 🙂

  • Beate Führer
    Posted February 16, 2015 8:08 am 0Likes

    Dear Andrea,
    if we aware of a problem and we accept it – we feel and think, that we are not blind,
    just aware of it.
    Afterwards we can grow into the solution – and maybe we find a wonderful answers
    – all this are possibilities to grow.
    So maybe, this is a good advise or hint – the paradox effect all things in the universe
    – all our decisions has different meanings, at least two – the opposite; but we can decide
    which one we prefer to grow … and live – awake – create – try to be an intelligent part of life.
    The opposite is at least one thing of the same stuff.
    Like “Give” and “Take” is One. Be a realy inspiring Creator Power – High Energy 😉
    Thanks for your great gift and your talent of writing.
    I follow my heart … best greetings to you

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted February 16, 2015 10:45 am 0Likes

    Hello Beate! Thanks for your kind feedback. I agree that there is a paradox here; it’s the yin & yang of the universe! You make a good point 🙂

  • rishu
    Posted June 15, 2015 8:10 am 0Likes

    hi , Pls suggest me some good books to learn law of attraction and its application in day to day life.
    Secondly tell me how….when holding on to a picture in our mind how to keep d excitment and feeling same and high everytime… ..Thankyou!!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted June 15, 2015 12:40 pm 0Likes

    Hi Rishu!

    I recommend “Ask and it is Given” by Abraham-Hicks as one of my favorites on the Law of Attraction. I also really like Michael Losier’s “The Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don’t” 🙂

    As for the visualizing, I’ve found that if it has become a chore (not exciting) anymore it’s a good idea to stop visualizing for a while. When it becomes “work,” visualization tends to be less effective.

    I wrote an article on this a while back..perhaps you would enjoy it. Here’s the link.

    All the best 🙂


  • Michelle
    Posted October 7, 2015 4:32 pm 0Likes

    The author of the quote is RIta Schiano, not Rita Shin. I know because i following her Facebook page Rita Schiano Live A Flourishing Life.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 8, 2015 9:35 am 0Likes

    Thanks Michelle! My mistake 🙂

  • Tejpal
    Posted October 9, 2015 9:46 am 0Likes

    How can i track myself that I’m going right.
    and to whom i can discuss about anything which is there in my mind but i’m unable to get the solution.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 12, 2015 7:36 am 0Likes

    Hi Tejpal!

    When you are moving in the “right” direction you will feel good, and many things will start to work out in your favor. Below, I’ve posted a link to an article I wrote on some common signs that indicate you are moving in a positive direction.

    “Testing Your Vibration With 4 Signs From the Universe”

    As for your second question, I do offer a few options for people who are looking for coaching. I have a few membership options that come with unlimited one-on-one email support (along with a bunch of resources), and I also offer one-on-one mentoring via Skype (for mentoring details, scroll to the bottom of this page here). If you are interested, let me know and we’ll get you set up 🙂

    All the best,


  • trey
    Posted August 16, 2016 7:50 pm 0Likes

    Great article and food for thought, Andrea. That said, I think there is a balance to be found on this topic. The flip side is people who pretend there isn’t a problem when there is one–a problem that could be resolved through acknowledgment and communication. Nonetheless, you make some great points in this article, and I’m going to focus less on problems going forward. Thanks!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 17, 2016 6:52 am 0Likes

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts Trey. You are right, some people “pretend” they are ok and push their feelings down, and this isn’t healthy either. I believe it’s a good idea to accept where you are when you are in a negative state, and come to terms with your pain (without judging yourself or forcing yourself to “be ok”). At the same point in time I also suggest that we keep our problems on a need-to-know basis <3

  • Anonymous
    Posted August 17, 2016 8:18 am 0Likes

    I like that: “need to know!” Sorry, Sir/Ma’am, can’t discuss. That’s on a need to know basis only. 😉

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 17, 2016 2:32 pm 0Likes

    LOL! Absolutely Anonymous! XO

  • Di
    Posted January 5, 2017 6:02 am 0Likes

    That’s a good point. I think what you are trying to share is the best way respond to a negative situation. We can’t avoid encountering problem forums every now and then but we can train ourselves to direct our focus on the positive side. Sometimes we need to discuss about the problem to get a better understanding of the situation. I think it all goes down to the intention.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted January 5, 2017 8:44 am 0Likes

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts Di- much appreciated! <3

  • Daniel Roberts
    Posted October 22, 2018 10:19 pm 0Likes

    I really liked this article! My vibration is higher already. You make a lot of sound points, especially about how culture is pushing and promoting problem talking. I’m now exponentially growing my awareness of how necessary it is to discuss a problem. I like to think… will this make a positive impact in a week? Or a month? Or even a year?

    Reading the comments was valuable as well. “A need to know basis.” Couldn’t have put it better!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 23, 2018 10:55 am 0Likes

    Thank you Daniel <3

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