How to Transform Toxic People in Your Life

Do you have any toxic people in your life who are super negative, and who’ve been dragging you down?

In my time working with people on the Law of Attraction, I’ve come to find that many people are interested in cutting toxic people out of their lives.  Naturally, if you want to have a positive life, it makes sense that getting rid of the negative people would help.

With that being said, though, sometimes it’s hard to cut someone out of your life, isn’t it? Some of the most toxic people you know may be relatives, coworkers, neighbors, or members of your group of friends.  Many people are not easily eliminated!

Fortunately, though, you don’t have to cut people out of your life in order to become more positive.  There is another way!

Instead of eliminating toxic people, there are things you can do to transform the toxic people in your life to become much more likable and easy to get along with.

So if you have a family member, a coworker, a neighbor or a friend who’s been dragging you down, take heart.  You don’t have to eliminate him or her from your life.  Here’s a process I use with toxic people that has made a real difference in my life that I’d like to share with you.

I developed this process back when I was a high school psychology teacher.  As a teacher, I would usually have about 150-175 students a year, and inevitably there would be a few of these kids who rubbed me the wrong way or behaved in ways I didn’t like.  However, as a teacher, there isn’t much you can do to eliminate students, you just have to find a way to deal with them!

So when I learned about the Law of Attraction, one of the first things I did was use it to improve my relationships with these kinds of students.  Applying this process to my students helped me transform the behavior of these students, and as a result, often these kids I didn’t “like” at first ended up being some of my favorites by the end of the year!

Now, depending on how “toxic” this person is, the following steps may take a little time.  How much time? Well, I would say that I would only move on to a new step after I had practiced the current step enough to get fairly comfortable with it.

It’s important not to jump too far ahead too quickly, because if you are still feeling very negatively about this person, the later steps will feel disingenuous or fake, and then they won’t work.    

It’s important that you aren’t stretching yourself too far too fast, so let your feelings guide you. Take your time and be patient, because the end result is well worth the wait!

Step 1: Stop complaining about the toxic person (or arguing with them). 

As long as you are talking about this person negatively, you will continue to draw out his or her undesirable traits through the Law of Attraction.  We get what we are focused on, be it positive or negative.

So the first step is just to do what your mother told you as a child: “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Please note: this isn’t to be polite, and it isn’t to let the other person win!  Keeping quiet is about slowing down the negative momentum so that you can turn things around.

You will never bring out the best in someone you are chronically complaining about or arguing with, so please, for the sake of your own happiness, bite your tongue!

Step 2: Distract yourself from thoughts about the toxic person.

Stopping thoughts can be a little trickier than stopping words, so it’s best to work on this second step after you’ve been able to get through a little time without complaining or arguing.

When you are working on this step, distraction is your best friend.  So, if you find your thoughts wandering on to this person you don’t like right now, switch gears and think about something else.  Read a book, watch a television show, go for a run, get some errands done or play with your kids.  Do anything to keep your mind moving away from thoughts about this person.

With a little bit of time, you will find that your thoughts naturally seem to guide themselves away from this person who has been distressing you.

Please note, if this is someone you have to interact with on a consistent basis, it’s ok if the thoughts crop up when you are around this person.  Just make it your goal to get through the times you aren’t together without thinking too much about him or her.

Step 3: Meditate on your desire to be accepting of all people.

Once you have found yourself able to get through your alone time without routinely thinking about this other person, it’s time to set your intention for peace and harmony.

Sit down quietly for 5-10 minutes and do some slow, deliberate breathing.  Once you feel focused and peaceful, imagine breathing in acceptance of all people, and breathing out love to all people. This is a feeling meditation, so focus on the feeling of love and acceptance.

Now in this meditation, you won’t be focusing on accepting and loving this particular person, but rather you will be focused on being accepting and loving of all people in general. 

It might be too big of a stretch to feel loving and acceptant of this particular person at the moment, but a feeling of general love and acceptance should be fairly easy to generate.

A meditation like this will help you practice the vibration of accepting people as they are and loving them anyway.  It’s very important to get into a space of letting people be who they are if we want to bring out the best in toxic people.

Please note: Practice this meditation as many times as it feels good to do so.  This should be an enjoyable process.

Step 4:  Find some little things to like about this person.

After you have neutralized your negative words and thoughts and you have practiced the vibration of love and acceptance in meditation, it’s time to start focusing positively.

So reach for something small that you like about this person.  It could be that you like her haircut, or his sweater, or you like their kids. Maybe he keeps his desk neat and tidy, or she always pitches in at work. Just pick anything that’s easy for you to appreciate on a small basis.

Take a few time outs throughout the day to focus on this thing you like and appreciate it, and wait for more good thoughts about this person to come to you.

With just a little bit of focus, you will start to draw out more little things that you like about this person, and when that happens-know that you are off to the races!  You have shifted your momentum from negative to positive, and now it’s time to ramp up this energy to really get things moving.

Step 5: Speak positively about the this person.

Once you’ve started having some positive thoughts about this person, it’s time to add some momentum to these positive thoughts with words. Speak your positive thoughts aloud, either to yourself or (even better) to other people.

Once this step gets comfortable, you can even speak these words aloud to the person in question. When you’re ready, offer small compliments and words of appreciation.

When you are able to voice the good in the other person and feel ok about it, you are now in the process of attracting the best out of this person who used to drive you insane. Now, just sit back and watch what happens.

So why does this process work?

Have you ever noticed that when someone compliments you on a job well done that you want to do a good job the next time for them?  Have you ever noticed that when someone tells you you look nice in a particular outfit that you want to wear it again?

When the people around us offer us genuine, positive feedback, we naturally perk up a little and want to do more to elicit that same feedback.  So by verbalizing the things we like about someone, we increase the likelihood that this person will do more of the things that we like.

At then end of the day, the way that people are behaving around us has a lot to do with our expectations and beliefs.  If we focus on the things we don’t like in a person, we draw out more of these same characteristics through the Law of Attraction.  However, if we focus on what we like, we find ourselves able to draw out the best, even in the most toxic people!

Just remember to take your time and let your feelings guide you.  Jumping straight to focusing on someone’s positive traits is probably too big of a stretch in the beginning, so first take some time to slow down the negative momentum. 

If you are trying to live a more positive life, take heart! You can keep the toxic people in your life and create more positive energy at the same time.  Direct your energy and focus to where you want to be, and everything else will fall into place.

Let me know how this works for you! XO, Andrea

Related Article:5 Things to Remember When Dealing With Negative People

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  • Anonymous
    Posted January 20, 2016 7:26 pm 0Likes

    I needed this today!! Thank you????✨

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted January 21, 2016 2:42 pm 0Likes

    Thank you anonymous! 🙂

  • Anonymous
    Posted March 25, 2016 12:50 pm 0Likes


  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted March 25, 2016 1:09 pm 0Likes

    Thanks Anonymous! 🙂

  • binks
    Posted May 2, 2017 8:43 pm 0Likes

    How can you stay positive if they’re in your face and can be violent? Getting out would be obvious and best but not an option. Thank you.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted May 3, 2017 9:07 am 0Likes

    I would keep my distance as much as possible. In the moments of distance I would work to first raise my vibration. Once I felt I was in a good place vibrationally, I would try to focus on the person’s finer qualities. However, the vibe work is most important, if thinking about this person knocks you off your platform, I would at least for the short term avoid thinking about him or her altogether when apart to maintain a steady vibration.

    Be safe, and as you mentioned, getting out may be the best option in a situation like this <3

  • LJ
    Posted April 25, 2018 2:37 am 0Likes

    Very interesting reading! Is it possible to transform a toxic romantic relationship (one that has been on/off and neither party willing to give much to the other without assurances) by going through the processes that you outline above?

    Or is it better to leave a relationship like that and start again?

    Thanks 🙏🏼

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted April 25, 2018 12:46 pm 0Likes

    Both would be the answer…were I in your shoes I might ask myself “which of these options feels like the path of least resistance?”

    Whichever feels easier in your now moment is the direction in which I would proceed, understanding that at any time the path may change to the alternative route.

  • Anonymous
    Posted July 4, 2020 12:07 pm 0Likes

    As someone in a toxic relationship I really needed to read this. This is so helpful to me. Thank you for sharing

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted July 6, 2020 2:23 pm 0Likes

    Glad you enjoyed it Anonymous 🙂

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