Why Do We Hate Each Other? 4 Misconceptions That Create Anger

“I hate people!”  It’s a statement I’ve heard many times, and one I’ve even used myself in moments of extreme aggravation!  So many of us  become easily irritated, upset and even angry over the actions and behaviors of other people.  This begs the question: why do we hate each other?

I’ve seen people completely lose it over getting cut off in traffic.  Shoot, I’ve even heard of people losing it simply from listening to other people chew. 

On a more serious note, though, I’ve also seen lifelong friendships ripped apart over petty, insignificant misunderstandings.  Why is it so hard for us to love and accept each other, warts and all?

Here are a few common misconceptions about reality that create anger and hostility between people.   I’ve also included some suggestions on how to access our unconditional love, in spite of our human tendency to become annoyed, irritated or upset with each other.

Reason for Hate #1: We are unaware that people mirror our thoughts and beliefs

When we are upset, angry or irritated, we attract more things that upset, anger and irritate us with the Law of Attraction.  So, when the guy in front of you lets the door slam in your face, this is an indication that you were already upset or irritated before he chose to do this.  Because you were already irritated, you were a vibrational match to more irritation.  

I know, I know…this is a tough one for many people to buy into.  But trust me, I guarantee you will find evidence to support this claim if you look for it.

When you are a in a bad mood, take stock of what kind of people come your way.  Conversely, when you are in a good mood, notice the types of people who approach you.  It will become evident (very quickly) that your mood is largely responsible for how the people around you are treating you. 

When we start to see the actions of others as a mirror of what’s going on inside of us, it becomes easier to set aside the anger, frustration and irritation.  This is because we realize that in getting more upset, we are only attracting more of the same frustrating circumstances.

Remember, there’s no use in crying over spilled milk-unless you’re looking to spill more of it!

Reason for Hate #2: We strongly believe in “right” and “wrong”

Ok, this one might really annoy some people, but it’s an important piece of the puzzle so I’m going to say it anyway.

In this reality, we’ve really gotten hung up on issues of “right” vs. “wrong.” I would go so far to say that most people today honestly believe that right and wrong are truly separate, definable and absolute categories.

Because we often believe “what’s right is right, and what’s wrong is wrong,” we frequently feel justified in disliking or even hating people whom we deem to be “wrong.”

The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is totally black and white, and it ignores the shades of gray and the good within the bad. 

For example, let’s say that you said something that hurt your friend’s feelings and she got upset.  An outsider might see this and label your behavior as “wrong” because you made your friend upset. 

However, perhaps you said something truthful, and this piece of truth was actually helpful to your friend in the long run.  Or perhaps you were standing up for yourself instead of allowing your friend to walk all over you. 

I’m not saying I support being unkind to one’s friend, all I am saying is often what looks like something bad has a very good reason behind it.  Labeling someone’s behavior as unilaterally “wrong” denies us of the opportunity to see the good in other people, and makes it easier for us to dislike or even hate each other.

Besides that, it is simply impossible to untangle the good from the bad, because all circumstances and events are infinitely complex.

The other problem with defining behavior as “right” or “wrong” is that it encourages us to only love people conditionally.  Instead of offering our acceptance and kindness to all people regardless of how they are behaving, we withhold our compassion only for the people who aren’t on our naughty lists.

And yes, I know that at this point some readers are likely shaking their heads and thinking “Ok smarty pants, but what about serial killers and molesters? Of course those behaviors are wrong!” 

Good point, dear reader, good point.  I’m not a fan of serial killers or molesters either so I get it.  However, there’s something to consider here before we make an exception to the rule.

Do we fault animals for killing other animals?  Do we consider animals that eat their mates or their young to be “wrong” or “bad?”  Do we believe a shark is destined to “go to hell?”  Most of us do not, yet killing is still involved, and sometimes it’s completely unnecessary. 

Do we beat ourselves up for eating meat, wearing leather or destroying the habitats of animals around the world to make our communities? Do we get mad that people spay and neuter their pets, permanently mutilating their animals’ sexual organs? Most of us do not, yet massive amounts of pain and death occur for these exact reasons.

So why do we feel the need to label certain actions as “wrong,” but we shrug our shoulders and say “well, that’s just the way it is” for other similar acts?   Why do we judge and condemn some behaviors, but justify and excuse others?

This is because we really aren’t dealing with universal “rights” and “wrongs”  at all.   Instead, there is simply what is “wanted” and “unwanted.”  Right and wrong are just illusory categories we have created here to justify our personal preferences about how we want life to be.

Do we want to be murdered in cold blood? Probably not…so most of us will say that a serial killer is “wrong,” because he violates this desire.

Do we want our streets to be clean and our pet population controlled? Mostly yes…so spaying and neutering pets must be “right,” because it helps us meet our desire (even though most of us would be totally outraged with the idea of human population control).

Do we want animals to treat each other with kindness? Hmm…well, most of us don’t really care, so this is an irrelevant issue altogether and isn’t something we feel the need to debate.

Some issues most of us feel similarly on (like the ones above), but others we do not, and this is why we are often divided on polarizing issues of right and wrong like abortion, the death penalty and gun control.  

To be certain, we are completely entitled to our personal preferences, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling strongly about a given subject.  However, when we accept the fact that there is only preference, rather than right and wrong, it becomes easier to forgive other people for their choices and actions.  None of us is right, and none of us is wrong.  We just are what we are, and we prefer what we prefer.   

In accepting what is, rather than judging it, we find our ability to offer unconditional love to all people, even when their choices violate our personal preferences.

Reason for Hate #3: We think we know what other people’s intentions are

It’s easy to get upset with people when we think we understand their intentions. 

For instance, if I believe my friend is flirting with my husband because she wants to make me jealous, there’s a good chance I’ll get upset.

As another example, if I believe the reason I got cut off in traffic is because the other driver is an inconsiderate jerk, I’ll probably feel justified in yelling at him and honking my horn. 

This is why, again, it’s important to remember that all things are infinitely complex.   

Take your life for example.  You’ve gone through a lot of stuff in your life that the average person on the street isn’t going to know or take into consideration when they judge your behaviors or actions.

Perhaps the reason you cut someone off in traffic was because you were swerving to miss an animal in the road.  Maybe your wife is going into labor and you are driving as fast as you can to the hospital.  Maybe you’ve got diarrhea.  Who knows?

And, while it’s possible the person who cut you off is just choosing to be an inconsiderate jerk, from our outside perspective we will just never know.  It’s impossible to know the true intentions of the people around us, because it’s impossible for us to step entirely into another person’s shoes. 

So the next time you find yourself getting irritated, remember that it’s impossible to know for certain this person’s true intentions and all of the reasons for his or her behavior.  There is always stuff going on under the surface that we are unaware of.

Reason for Hate #4: We are frequently unaware of unity consciousness

Lastly, from our perspective here in physical reality, all things appear to be separate.  You are you, and I am me and that’s it.  We appear to be completely independent of one another.  We are physically separated, so we often make the assumption that we are spiritually separated as well.

However, separation (just like “right” and “wrong”) is just an illusion.  We are all fully interconnected and part of the same whole.  We are all cells of the same organism, and we all depend on each other and affect one another.  You and I are like drops of water in the same ocean.   

Unity consciousness is something many people are starting to become aware of in society today, and chances are if you are reading this you are one of them!  However, many people are still blind to it. 

When we perceive other people as being separate from us, it is easier to hate.  When we are totally separate, we perceive our anger as being directed outside of us.  Therefore, we view anger as a tool we can use to “win.” 

However, when we are aware of unity consciousness, we see when we act in anger, we are only hurting ourselves.  When we act in anger, we always “lose.”  As there is no separation, a hatred projected to someone else is simultaneously a hatred projected to oneself. 

So why do people hate each other again?

When we see someone projecting hatred out into the world, chances are one of the following misconceptions is at play:

  • They may be unaware that other people mirror their own feelings and moods.
  • They may be very rigid in their definitions of “right” and “wrong.”
  • They may believe they understand other peoples’ intentions.
  • They may be completely unaware of unity consciousness.

It’s something to think about.  We all struggle from time to time with dislike, and even hate.  We all have a few people in our lives who test our patience and irritate us.  This is ok, because we are living life through the human perspective, and we are often limited in our capacity to see the bigger picture.

But knowing this information, it’s easier to let go of hate and become a bit more compassionate and understanding.  More importantly, it’s easier to feel a little bit better about humanity and our place within it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this long article; I do hope you enjoyed it.  This is a complex topic, so if you have something to add to the discussion please comment below and share it with us!

Love Always,


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  • Colleen
    Posted August 27, 2015 7:00 pm 0Likes

    As always a great read Andrea! Now when someone irritates me I look at myself and see what’s going on with me. Usually I need to establish clearer boundaries, be more assertive of my needs or just express my hurt without expecting anything in return. Trying to guess others intentions just leads nowhere because I’m filtering it through my perception which usually has nothing to do with them. It clears things up so much quicker!

  • Bobby
    Posted August 27, 2015 11:11 pm 0Likes

    WOW! This may be my new favorite article. I bookmarked it to my bookmarks bar. This really means a lot to me and hits home with issues I have been experiencing at work. This and the blame article really are so important to me right now. Thank you, thank you!

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 28, 2015 6:49 am 0Likes

    Hi Colleen-Thank you for the kind message and your support. You are so right about establishing boundaries…it works wonders. Wish I had learned that earlier in life! Have a great weekend. -Andrea 🙂

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted August 28, 2015 6:51 am 0Likes

    That’s great Bobby, I’m really glad you enjoyed them. I love it when an article synchs up with one of my readers like that. Have a wonderful weekend-and thanks for the nice email this morning! 🙂 -Andrea

  • David
    Posted February 29, 2016 10:32 am 0Likes

    Thank you.

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted February 29, 2016 11:28 am 0Likes

    You’re welcom David! 🙂

  • Captain
    Posted September 30, 2016 9:36 pm 0Likes

    Just have to touch on the right and wrong things. So to start you’re right about the whole friend thing because that doesn’t have anything to do with right and wrong and no one should care about if others want to judge whether it’s right or wrong let alone you shouldn’t care about others judgment. Be you and be a person you would want your children to be proud of. But yes there is a right and wrong and it’s deeper than what society says is right and wrong. WWII everyone says Germany was wrong yet besides the nazis Germans were lied and manipulated by some would say the most intelligent con artists of all time. The Germans weren’t wrong. They were lied too. The nazis were wrong to the core. Why? You know why…. it makes you sick that people would do that to others people. Why do we not judge animals? I don’t judge animals that aren’t self aware but if an elephant starts going on a killing spree of elephants of course you know that elephant is wrong and fucked up. Elephants are extremely intelligent so yes animals with self awareness and intelligents is no different then people on people killing. Kids feel bad when they do something bad with being punished in the past for it. You know on a level that you were born with. You can feel when you do something right and wrong but those words don’t describe it it’s good and evil. We think we’re so advanced with all this technology and it makes me sad but also laugh. If we want to actually advance then we need to all make peace. If we’re so much smarter then every other animal then why do we still act like them just on a greater scale? Advancement has nothing to do with technology. We’re pathetic. I believe in people. We act like war is easier than peace. If that’s true should we not try for the more difficult path? Should we not try and let everyone everywhere who ever faught in history so that maybe one day we wouldn’t have too rest in peace and make them proud? People say I could never get a long with these people because this and this happened 100 years before I was born and I’m mad! Grow the hell up and be the bigger man. Our children have a chance at a future that we can’t already read in a history book. Another thing you know is wrong but people are willing to teach you. Mr. hero Christopher Columbus who discovered America number 1 didn’t. I don’t mean the fact that 500 years before someone else did or by the fact natives did 14,000 years ago. He was one of about 25 (for me) worst person I’ve ever read about. He was the perfect example of humanity’s greatest weakness. Greed and power. If you don’t know what he did then read about him. If you still don’t believe he was wrong we deserve to kill each other till we wipe ourselves out to protect any possible peaceful life forms out there. We’d do nothing but teach them to hate us and each other. Until we learn peace this is avatar and we’re the bad guys. I mean people I can’t do this alone. I can’t be fighting for peace alone. I get sometimes you need to kill. I myself will defend myself but we don’t always have to punish an attacker with death. No lesson to the guy you killed and know lesson to others. Just another guy dead. Pope John Paul the 2nd. He’s an example of how we can be. A man tried to kill him and after the pope goes and forgives. No personal vendettas. Just a better world. Read about the man he forgave. Religion has always stressed peace yet everyone’s always killing in the name of god or religion in order to find it? Peace isn’t found when only people with one way of thinking are left standing. Peace is when you disagree and not settle it with violence. No greed. Trade fair and not for profit. Forget profit in dollar value. The profit is what we can accomplish as a race ( when I say race I only mean human because I don’t dignify anyone else as anything different. I don’t care where you came from in history or why you feel like we’re not all one race because that’s just stupid and Look where that got us. Some people think that the universe is a simulation. Some people believe in God and heaven. I say stop caring what anybody else thinks and let’s explore the universe and find the answers. The answers aren’t here. If we work together we can have answers and find truths. Let’s not fight our beliefs but work together to find out. Keep your beliefs. Any my point is there’s right and wrong in my opinion and you’re welcome to yours I won’t judge or call you wrong because there’s no definite answer just explain our thoughts. Sorry if it’s lengthy or if there’s a lot of mistakes I didn’t proof. I’d like to know your thoughts on my outlook if you’d like to reply. Have a good one and take care of each other. Even strangers. Protect people from bad people to bad events to misfortune or even down on life. Don’t feel bad for them. Be the difference and help

  • Andrea Schulman
    Posted October 1, 2016 8:10 am 0Likes

    Hi Captain, this sounds like something you’ve given a great deal of thought to. Thank you for sharing your perspective. As for my perspective, I try to look at world events without assigning “good and bad” “right and wrong” labels. Here is an article I wrote on this topic that may illuminate my thoughts for you. Have a wonderful day XO, Andrea

  • Akash Chamaria
    Posted June 1, 2017 4:11 am 0Likes

    We treat one another as dehumanized beings for they are stupid, dumb, dim or dull, or because they simply do not agree with us. An atheist hates a theist for brushing aside his scientific argument. A theist finds an atheist intolerable for being unable to look outside the bubble of terse scientific rigidity.

    At theist would not allow his spirituality to be condensed within the laws of oversimplification. An atheist wouldn’t allow the wonderfulness of the imagination and the essence of spirituality to mess with his mind! And of course, we cannot give into oneness. If we were all the same and one, there wouldn’t be any differences, but peace on earth. And nobody wants that. Differences are good. It is forms of differences that are pushed thought, creation, and technology to such greater heights. How?! because our differences are fueled by self-love, hence comes the need to be better, to prove ourselves, and also jealousy, competition and greed – on which are built industries, empires and occasional practice of human slavery.

    Source: Why do people hate each other

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