Why Do We Hate Each Other? 4 Misconceptions That Create Anger
“I hate people!” It’s a statement I’ve heard many times, and one I’ve even used myself in moments of extreme aggravation! So many of us become easily irritated, upset and even angry over the actions and behaviors of other people. This begs the question: why do we hate each other?
I’ve seen people completely lose it over getting cut off in traffic. Shoot, I’ve even heard of people losing it simply from listening to other people chew.
On a more serious note, though, I’ve also seen lifelong friendships ripped apart over petty, insignificant misunderstandings. Why is it so hard for us to love and accept each other, warts and all?
Here are a few common misconceptions about reality that create anger and hostility between people. I’ve also included some suggestions on how to access our unconditional love, in spite of our human tendency to become annoyed, irritated or upset with each other.
Reason for Hate #1: We are unaware that people mirror our thoughts and beliefs
When we are upset, angry or irritated, we attract more things that upset, anger and irritate us with the Law of Attraction. So, when the guy in front of you lets the door slam in your face, this is an indication that you were already upset or irritated before he chose to do this. Because you were already irritated, you were a vibrational match to more irritation.
I know, I know…this is a tough one for many people to buy into. But trust me, I guarantee you will find evidence to support this claim if you look for it.
When you are a in a bad mood, take stock of what kind of people come your way. Conversely, when you are in a good mood, notice the types of people who approach you. It will become evident (very quickly) that your mood is largely responsible for how the people around you are treating you.
When we start to see the actions of others as a mirror of what’s going on inside of us, it becomes easier to set aside the anger, frustration and irritation. This is because we realize that in getting more upset, we are only attracting more of the same frustrating circumstances.
Remember, there’s no use in crying over spilled milk-unless you’re looking to spill more of it!
Reason for Hate #2: We strongly believe in “right” and “wrong”
Ok, this one might really annoy some people, but it’s an important piece of the puzzle so I’m going to say it anyway.
In this reality, we’ve really gotten hung up on issues of “right” vs. “wrong.” I would go so far to say that most people today honestly believe that right and wrong are truly separate, definable and absolute categories.
Because we often believe “what’s right is right, and what’s wrong is wrong,” we frequently feel justified in disliking or even hating people whom we deem to be “wrong.”
The problem with this kind of thinking is that it is totally black and white, and it ignores the shades of gray and the good within the bad.
For example, let’s say that you said something that hurt your friend’s feelings and she got upset. An outsider might see this and label your behavior as “wrong” because you made your friend upset.
However, perhaps you said something truthful, and this piece of truth was actually helpful to your friend in the long run. Or perhaps you were standing up for yourself instead of allowing your friend to walk all over you.
I’m not saying I support being unkind to one’s friend, all I am saying is often what looks like something bad has a very good reason behind it. Labeling someone’s behavior as unilaterally “wrong” denies us of the opportunity to see the good in other people, and makes it easier for us to dislike or even hate each other.
Besides that, it is simply impossible to untangle the good from the bad, because all circumstances and events are infinitely complex.
The other problem with defining behavior as “right” or “wrong” is that it encourages us to only love people conditionally. Instead of offering our acceptance and kindness to all people regardless of how they are behaving, we withhold our compassion only for the people who aren’t on our naughty lists.
And yes, I know that at this point some readers are likely shaking their heads and thinking “Ok smarty pants, but what about serial killers and molesters? Of course those behaviors are wrong!”
Good point, dear reader, good point. I’m not a fan of serial killers or molesters either so I get it. However, there’s something to consider here before we make an exception to the rule.
Do we fault animals for killing other animals? Do we consider animals that eat their mates or their young to be “wrong” or “bad?” Do we believe a shark is destined to “go to hell?” Most of us do not, yet killing is still involved, and sometimes it’s completely unnecessary.
Do we beat ourselves up for eating meat, wearing leather or destroying the habitats of animals around the world to make our communities? Do we get mad that people spay and neuter their pets, permanently mutilating their animals’ sexual organs? Most of us do not, yet massive amounts of pain and death occur for these exact reasons.
So why do we feel the need to label certain actions as “wrong,” but we shrug our shoulders and say “well, that’s just the way it is” for other similar acts? Why do we judge and condemn some behaviors, but justify and excuse others?
This is because we really aren’t dealing with universal “rights” and “wrongs” at all. Instead, there is simply what is “wanted” and “unwanted.” Right and wrong are just illusory categories we have created here to justify our personal preferences about how we want life to be.
Do we want to be murdered in cold blood? Probably not…so most of us will say that a serial killer is “wrong,” because he violates this desire.
Do we want our streets to be clean and our pet population controlled? Mostly yes…so spaying and neutering pets must be “right,” because it helps us meet our desire (even though most of us would be totally outraged with the idea of human population control).
Do we want animals to treat each other with kindness? Hmm…well, most of us don’t really care, so this is an irrelevant issue altogether and isn’t something we feel the need to debate.
Some issues most of us feel similarly on (like the ones above), but others we do not, and this is why we are often divided on polarizing issues of right and wrong like abortion, the death penalty and gun control.
To be certain, we are completely entitled to our personal preferences, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling strongly about a given subject. However, when we accept the fact that there is only preference, rather than right and wrong, it becomes easier to forgive other people for their choices and actions. None of us is right, and none of us is wrong. We just are what we are, and we prefer what we prefer.
In accepting what is, rather than judging it, we find our ability to offer unconditional love to all people, even when their choices violate our personal preferences.
Reason for Hate #3: We think we know what other people’s intentions are
It’s easy to get upset with people when we think we understand their intentions.
For instance, if I believe my friend is flirting with my husband because she wants to make me jealous, there’s a good chance I’ll get upset.
As another example, if I believe the reason I got cut off in traffic is because the other driver is an inconsiderate jerk, I’ll probably feel justified in yelling at him and honking my horn.
This is why, again, it’s important to remember that all things are infinitely complex.
Take your life for example. You’ve gone through a lot of stuff in your life that the average person on the street isn’t going to know or take into consideration when they judge your behaviors or actions.
Perhaps the reason you cut someone off in traffic was because you were swerving to miss an animal in the road. Maybe your wife is going into labor and you are driving as fast as you can to the hospital. Maybe you’ve got diarrhea. Who knows?
And, while it’s possible the person who cut you off is just choosing to be an inconsiderate jerk, from our outside perspective we will just never know. It’s impossible to know the true intentions of the people around us, because it’s impossible for us to step entirely into another person’s shoes.
So the next time you find yourself getting irritated, remember that it’s impossible to know for certain this person’s true intentions and all of the reasons for his or her behavior. There is always stuff going on under the surface that we are unaware of.
Reason for Hate #4: We are frequently unaware of unity consciousness
Lastly, from our perspective here in physical reality, all things appear to be separate. You are you, and I am me and that’s it. We appear to be completely independent of one another. We are physically separated, so we often make the assumption that we are spiritually separated as well.
However, separation (just like “right” and “wrong”) is just an illusion. We are all fully interconnected and part of the same whole. We are all cells of the same organism, and we all depend on each other and affect one another. You and I are like drops of water in the same ocean.
Unity consciousness is something many people are starting to become aware of in society today, and chances are if you are reading this you are one of them! However, many people are still blind to it.
When we perceive other people as being separate from us, it is easier to hate. When we are totally separate, we perceive our anger as being directed outside of us. Therefore, we view anger as a tool we can use to “win.”
However, when we are aware of unity consciousness, we see when we act in anger, we are only hurting ourselves. When we act in anger, we always “lose.” As there is no separation, a hatred projected to someone else is simultaneously a hatred projected to oneself.
So why do people hate each other again?
When we see someone projecting hatred out into the world, chances are one of the following misconceptions is at play:
- They may be unaware that other people mirror their own feelings and moods.
- They may be very rigid in their definitions of “right” and “wrong.”
- They may believe they understand other peoples’ intentions.
- They may be completely unaware of unity consciousness.
It’s something to think about. We all struggle from time to time with dislike, and even hate. We all have a few people in our lives who test our patience and irritate us. This is ok, because we are living life through the human perspective, and we are often limited in our capacity to see the bigger picture.
But knowing this information, it’s easier to let go of hate and become a bit more compassionate and understanding. More importantly, it’s easier to feel a little bit better about humanity and our place within it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this long article; I do hope you enjoyed it. This is a complex topic, so if you have something to add to the discussion please comment below and share it with us!
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