Why Do People CRITICIZE You (Even When You Are Nice to Them)?
With the Law of Attraction, we often come to understand that life is a mirror. What we put out, we get back! So, here’s a question: why do people criticize you-even if you are not critical of them?
In my Law of Attraction coaching work, I’ve found there are usually two reasons why this happens. As it turns out, you can be a match for criticism even if you are not a particularly outwardly critical individual.
So today, I’d like to share these reasons with you.
Why do People Criticize You Reason #1: SELF-CRITICISM
The primary reason we may find people criticizing us often has nothing to do with how outwardly critical we are at all.
In other words, you or I may be very nice and outwardly kind. However, if we are criticizing ourselves frequently, we will frequently find that other people mirror our self-criticism.
For instance, if I beat up on myself for my weight, I may find that other people pick on me about my weight as well.
If I hate myself for being “too sensitive,” I may find that other people frequently tell me I am “too sensitive.”
Other people are always mirrors, in one way or another. If you find that people you are nice to are frequently critical of you, there’s good chance that the mirror is reflecting a criticism you have on yourself.
Why do People Criticize You Reason #2: EXPECTATION
Now, if someone has already worked out the kinks of self-criticism, they may still find that others are critical!
In other words, perhaps you’ve been learning to love yourself more and you feel at ease with the person you have become. You’ve been learning to use the Law of Attraction deliberately, or you’ve been practicing meditation, affirmations or some other method of boosting your self-esteem.
Yet, the people in your life are still critical of you. What gives?
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In instances like this, I’ve found that the critical people in our lives are no longer mirroring self-criticism. Rather, they are mirroring our expectation.
For example, let’s say that earlier in your life you were more self-critical of yourself. As a result, you attracted a friend into your life who was highly critical of you.
As time went on, you started to come to believe that your friend was simply a critical person.
So, even though you learned how to love yourself more and you are no longer radiating self-criticism, your friend is still mirroring back your EXPECTATION of her criticism.
With the Law of Attraction, we get what we expect, after all!
If I have come to expect that my friend is judgmental and critical, she will continue to be so, regardless of how I feel about myself.
In this second reason for attracting criticism, the remedy is to come into a different expectation of your friend.
Resolving criticism in your reality:
Depending on your particular situation, there are a variety of methods that may be effective in resolving criticism in your reality. Here are a couple to get you started.
1. If self-criticism is to blame, learn how to love yourself.
Focus on your strengths, speak kindly to yourself and take good care of yourself. Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you, and you will start to see that others treat you with less criticism, and more kindness.
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2. If expectation is to blame, shift your expectation of the critical person in question.
If you believe that another person is simply mirroring back your expectation that they will be critical, this is what you will want to transform.
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Do your best to avoid complaining or talking about the critical person in question. The job here is to transform the label of “critical” we have put on this person. Talking about how critical they are only keeps the label firmly in place!
Find attributes about the person in question you appreciate and enjoy. Put your focus on these positive attributes as much as you can.
Finally, take space from this person as needed! If we have built up a negative expectation of someone, brief interactions are best-as we are more likely to revert back into our negative expectations the longer we are in interaction with said person.
In other words, meet for coffee rather than take a two week vacation together. Break up the family holiday by leaving to pick up groceries, or to take a nap or meditation break.
Shorter interactions are best while transforming expectations. As you start to build your focus on the critical person’s positive attributes, they WILL start to shift in front of you. The more they shift, the longer you can interact without falling back into negative expectation.
If you stick to this regimen you will find that a critical person will shift into the kind of person you actually want to be around. The trick is to decide that you are going to focus on their positive attributes. Extra time and space will likely be needed at first to keep you focused.
I hope this quick article has helped answer the question “why do people criticize you?”! Of course, if you have any comments, be sure to share them below.
XO, Andrea (Law of Attraction Educator)
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